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At some point we all have to ‘do our time’…

Written by Bongeka
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I’m sure you can agree with me that most of us have heard the phrase “doing time” or “do your time” being uttered as part of popular culture lingo. The phrase “doing time” is slang for spending time in a jail or prison (http://onlineslangdictionary.com). I was reading one of my favourite women magazines a while back and I was particularly touched by the stories of the extraordinary women who had graced their cover for that month. I think what touched me the most was the depth of their characters and the wisdom they all shared. I also, kind of felt a little guilty after reading their stories because initially I had judged them by their outward appearance. Before I read their stories I just thought they seemed too perfect. They are absolutely beautiful, they have perfect bodies and one of them had graced our television screens for many years before going into business. Now here they were, being interviewed to share about the great business empire they had built and are continuing to build and what trials they had encountered. I was particularly touched by the main founder’s story, as so many of its elements spoke to my personal journey towards fulfilling my destiny. Even the alone conversations she had when she had failed in one of her first business ventures sounded so much like mine. But after reading the entire feature, a faith filled up in me that said, “You will also fulfil your purpose but you’ve got to do your time first”.

Ladies and gentlemen, their story is obviously no different from many people we know who have faced trial after trial in their pursuit to fulfil what they believe is their purpose. I know in popular culture lingo the term “doing time” specifically refers to going to prison. But as I was contemplating on the journey of trials which all human beings encounter, I couldn’t help but think that we all at some point in our lives are going to “do time”.  I’ve only been on this earth for 28 years, I know they are people who have been here longer, but in these few years of my existence and based on the observations and conversations I’ve had, I see life unfold in a particular trend. There will be a period where you will engage in all that you were socialised to do (e.g. completed school, got a degree, got a job, got married, bought car/house etc.), the list is endless. These are the things that are considered social norms and we all meant to partake in them at some point. As you are living within these social norms, you may encounter a period where you begin to feel a bit uneasy on the inside of you. It’s that very subtle but persistent voice that just won’t leave you alone. You hear a whisper that there’s more to my life and when you zoom into the “more” and realise what you should be doing, you come alive. The discomfort part will lead to you taking crazy life risks like quitting your job, relocating, removing yourself from certain people & environments, etc.

As you journey through life, trying to balance out the social norms and listening to that inner voice, you will encounter a period where life will ‘imprison’ you with challenges and you have to “do your time”. This is where you experience a “real baptism of fire”. This is the period where the voice that told you there’s more to your life and showed you great visions of the future, is silent. The trials come from every angle, it’s the most confusing period and when you in it, it seems like it will last forever. But the good news is there is always light at the end of each tunnel. And of course the amazing thing about life is that you will enjoy and be rewarded the fruit of your persistence.

I am aware that life is not static and I am not saying that all human experiences will be the same, but in most ways they are very similar. Our social upbringing, does not prepare us well for trials, obstacles and failure and yet, these are such an inevitable part of our lives. Maybe instead of only attending conferences on Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Project Management, etc…We should pair these conferences with tangible truths on learning how to fail well. This should start from the time we children, because our education system is built on the premise that you always have to pass and that if you fail, that failure becomes ingrained as part of your self-worth.

My enjoy life tip is this – We need to live with consciousness that “doing our time” i.e. going through the journey of our individual trials and challenges is part of our human right. I know it’s not an easy thing as even in my own life waiting for God hasn’t been easy, often it seems that he isn’t answering our prayers or doesn’t understand the urgency of our situation. But maybe when we in our “doing time” period we should realise that this is a season of renewal, refreshing and reaffirmation about our life purpose. So do your time well…

Life, ,

Tolerance has an expiry date…

Written by Bongeka
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It’s Idols season again in South Africa and I think most people in South Africa and across the world would agree that Idols is one of the biggest and most loved entertainment franchise shows, in the globe. We particularly love the discovery of new talent and of course the untalented through the wooden mic contestants. These are the contestants who seem like they are ‘intoxicated with something’ (excuse my language) that convinces them they can actually sing.

What I love and have come to observe about the audition stages of the show is that families are able to enjoy watching this hilarious entertainment together. Watching these wooden mic contestants also serves as an ideal ice-breaker, if you left in a room with someone you not that close too and the small talk starts running dry.

But after those few audition episodes and once the judges have done their sifting, there’s no more time to play. As consumers of the show, our tolerance appetite takes on a new form. We don’t want any more wooden mic performances on our screens; we want to see great singers. Every evening we tune in, use our airtime to vote for those who bear their heart and soul on that stage. We want to see the contestants improve from their initial auditions. We expect them to bring their best in every performance, but also being sensitive to the fact that they human. All we want to see is that they are trying their best. But unfortunately, as the saying goes “you are only as good as your last performance”. We will forgive one slip up during the live shows, but if it happens again, chances are we may not tolerate it.

Tolerance in most factions of life has an expiry date. I also started thinking about this in the context of poor performance at work. When an employee is reported for poor performance, good HR practices involve ensuring that the employer always acts in the best interest of the employee to avoid CCMA charges. HR will probably have engagements with the employee and their manager to zoom into the cause of the poor performance. If it’s a skill issue, they will probably place the employee on a 6-12 month development programme and monitor progress. If it’s a resource issue, they may give it month or two by ensuring that they provide all the necessary resources to enable the employee to perform optimally. If it’s a well-being issue (i.e. personal issue affecting work) they may bring in professionals like psychologists to assist the employee over a period of time. However, if all these different solutions are tried over a significant period of time and the employee’s performance still does not change, the employer has every right to terminate employment. Tolerance for poor performance is only acceptable to a certain point. It’s really not about perfection but progressiveness.

When you keep making excuses about certain things and not take accountability for your actions and your future, it will eventually catch up with you. Even the physical or physiological body has an expiry date. If we keep not eating right and not exercising, one day we will have damaged our body beyond repair and it would not be able to tolerate it any more. Tolerance has nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. Sometimes you walk away from people you adore and environments you adore because your tolerance level has simply expired. Even people, who occupy influential or leadership roles, need to be careful how they treat people, because if people are not treated well – their tolerance will eventually expire.

Critical thinking, ,

Our love languages transcend every area…

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Have you heard of Gary Chapman’s book on the 5 Love languages? Believe me when I say this is not some cheesy love book. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five universal ways that all people express and interpret love. Dr. Chapman firmly believes that each person has one primary and one secondary love language and he advocates that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive love (http://www.sheknows.com). The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation; Quality time; Receiving gifts; Acts of service and Physical touch.

I know in our world when someone mentions the word “love”, our default mode thinks romance. While it’s true that the word love is predominantly used in that context, however in my journey of maturity I have come to realise that actually, understanding your love language and others love language transcends across every aspect of life.

In light of the revelation of my love language, I was doing a bit of a self-evaluation exercise about some of the leadership roles I have occupied. According to Dr Gary Chapman’s Love Language test, my primary love language is Words of Affirmation.

In my self-evaluation exercise I began to think about most of the missed opportunities in the roles I have occupied. By my very nature I believe that I try my best to exude excellence in whatever I do. Usually when I start something new; be it a new project, new job, new role etc, I am full of excitement and bubbling with creative ideas- ready to implement. So I flourish in environments where I am constantly affirmed through recognition and praise. However, reality is most of the environments and leadership styles I have been exposed to, have not really supported this kind of love language. I have been in environments and had leaders skilled in criticism.

I recall the many great ideas and action plans I would come up with that never got off the ground or failed dismally because of negative words. When I am not affirmed I become complacent and I end up disappearing with the crowd. I think of all the inadequate things I witnessed and inside of me I would cringe because I knew I could do something to improve the situation, but I wouldn’t do it because I couldn’t get pass the horrible words spoken. Now don’t get me wrong, the work still got done, but inside of me I didn’t really care. I really tried to speak myself out of the negative words and carry on to do the work, but it was a difficult journey. I have also been in environments and had leadership styles that encouraged my creativity; gave me authority and ultimately consistently affirmed me through recognition and praise. I must say these were the times I really flourished. When I am in this kind of environment I really give it my all.

So when I got a hold of Dr Gary Chapman’s book and began to understand my love language, I had an Aha moment! And came to the conviction that this love language concept is true and it cuts across every area of one’s life. What was more powerful for me was I began to understand the love languages of others around me and I must say that has made my interactions more meaningful. I really think everyone needs to know their own love language and also come to a point of understanding others. Love is powerful and it cuts across every era; every nation, every business and history tells us that the people, who do great things and are remembered, are people who have, understood and appreciated the love languages of the humanity they serve.

Love,

Learn the lingo – Why McDonalds got it right and Coca-Cola got it wrong.

Written by Bongeka
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I always think that people who are natives of a country; where there are only two official languages have one less thing to worry about in their lives. My country, South Africa, has eleven official languages and that obviously is one of the things that make us a proud rainbow nation. However, if you can speak only two of these eleven, it can sometimes pose a challenge. I often tell my friends who grew up in the province of Gauteng just how blessed they are that they can speak 50% or even more of the eleven languages.

South Africa has nine provinces and Gauteng is the one province where there is a serious mix of people from literally all walks of life. This is because Gauteng houses Johannesburg which is the economic power hub of Southern Africa. My friends from Gauteng don’t know this, but I am sometimes very uncomfortable when I go to meet their parents and I have to speak my language or English so we can understand each other better. Now I can understand some of the languages, but responding is a mission. Fortunately, most of their families can speak my language but I still feel really bad when they have to adjust their dialogues just to accommodate me.

Beyond just my friend’s families, navigating your way in public spaces in Johannesburg when you don’t speak some of the languages can be a bit problematic. Most South Africans would agree that Johannesburg is the “concrete jungle where dreams are made of” and most of us come here because of the vastness of opportunities available. Whether I am catching a taxi; or trying to respond to an elderly person; or asking for something at the grocery store, I have noticed that when I make an attempt to answer the person in their language there is an automatic connection and when they pick up my limited vocabulary and my “shabby” accent they become more understanding and we able to meet each other half way and speak a language that serves us both.

I think we need to begin to appreciate that speaking someone’s language or being culturally sensitive is not just “pink and fluffy”. A language is not only about the verbal expressions, but sometimes it can embody the very essence of a nation’s identity. And in this global village, in order to be truly successful we have to be able to adjust and “speak” the language and culture of others.

Two interesting cases come to mind when I think of cultural understanding equaling success for one and failure for the other. When McDonalds was intending to launch in India it was completely willing to localize its offerings. India was a unique and very conservative market because most of the Indian population is vegetarian and they don’t eat beef and pork. As most of us are aware, beef is one of the core ingredients of the McDonalds brand; however in India, McDonalds adopted a concept called Glocalization (Globalization + Localization).They intended to obviously maintain global standards whilst also meeting the needs of the local customer (http://www.academia.edu and www.bbc.com). Though it was an expense to localize for India, it paid off big time. They adopted a very authentic Indian menu comprising of chicken, fish and vegetarian meals and what a success it has proved to be.

When Coca-Cola initially launched its sales campaign in Saudi Arabia it was not so successful. Since their sales team couldn’t speak Arabic and most of the Saudis didn’t speak much English they thought surely simple pictures would work to portray the message and they believed that to be a brilliant idea. So they put together three simple pictures and these were meant to be a story line:

  • Picture one showed a man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and fainting.
  • Picture two then shows a man drinking Coca-Cola
  • Picture three shows the man now totally refreshed and on his feet running.

The simple message was meant to say that when you feeling exhausted because of the desert heat, have sip of coca-cola and you will regain your energy. Sounds simple enough right?

Wrong! What Coca-Cola failed to do was be culturally sensitive by speaking in a way relevant to the Saudis. The rest of the world read left to right however, Arabic readers go from right to left. To the Arabic people the advert read, when you feeling energetic (picture 3) take a sip of Coca-Cola (picture 2) you will faint and be exhausted (picture 1) (http://blog.asiantown.net/-/7257/this-is-why-coca-cola-failed-in-saudi-arabia). This obviously miscommunicated the intended message because to them it said stay away from Coca-Cola it will cause you to be dehydrated and faint. I do believe though that Coca-Cola has bounced back since then by investing a couple of million dollars into the Saudi Arabia market.

I think we can learn some interesting lessons from these multinational corporations and perhaps we can start becoming more aware of the languages and cultures of others around us and perhaps go further by engaging in a lingo that serves others. My friend, trust me when I say authentic human connections are more likely to be the new success in the near future.

Words, World Affairs, ,

Before you load more, focus and stabilize

Written by Bongeka
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I was reading one of my favourite women magazines and one of their main articles for the month was an exposé of three very influential women. These three women are what we term “movers and shakers” in their various fields. They were asked to share their individual journeys that led them to build successful business empires.

As I read their unique individual stories of triumph, pain, confusion, wins, challenges and ultimately success; I couldn’t help but be intrigued by the one common thread of wisdom or advice they all shared.

When asked to share some success and business secrets, they mentioned that it’s very important to have a focus when starting out and make sure you stick to the focus.  They mentioned that many times people attempt to be the “jack of all trades” and that can become problematic because you can easily lose focus and not build a solid foundation, and when you don’t build a solid business foundation there will be cracks in your business and ultimately that will affect your business negatively.

Builders often emphasize the laying of a solid foundation before building the entire residential or commercial building. The foundation is probably the most important part in a building construction. The foundation carriers the building that sits on top of it thus ensuring that the foundation is built to the very best standards possible is very much worth it. When the foundation is not properly done and begins to fail, you will notice the following: cracks on the exterior wall finishing; separated brick joints; windows or doors misaligned; cracks on the flooring, etc. (http://www.ultrabuilders.ph).

I don’t know about you but I am overwhelmed with this obsession to seem like a “multi-tasker”. It’s like if we not doing more than one thing with our lives we are insignificant. Many of us like starting too many things at the same time therefore are unable to dedicate time to focus on one thing and getting that one thing right. I believe it’s okay to work on something for long, to others it may seem mediocre, it may seem like repetition and that’s okay because as the old cliché goes “practice makes perfect”.

I look at stabilising as a way of staying true to who you are and what you are about. One of the accolades I often hear people say when they referring to someone who’s great; is that they remain themselves in a world that’s constantly trying to make us all the same…

Critical thinking,

Behind the Scenes

Written by Bongeka
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I was watching the repeat of the BET Awards recently and one of the award categories that really got my attention was the life time achievement award; awarded to Samuel L. Jackson. I’ve noticed a similar trend at these prestigious award ceremonies, i.e. when most of the awardees come on stage and they have to render a speech, they usually are quick to mention a lot of people who actually played an integral role in their success that most of us are not even aware of.

Samuel L. Jackson was no different, as he was giving thanks he mentioned the following roles; His Manager, Agent, Accountants, Publicist, Wife, Aunt and echoed that if it wasn’t for these people he would not be on that stage receiving a lifetime achievement award. This really got me thinking of this whole behind the scenes concept. The concept of behind the scenes simply means “being or working out of public view or in secret. It may also mean working without receiving credit or fame.”

I think individuals in the entertainment industry have a great deal of appreciation for the work that goes behind the scenes. We know that what we see on screen; be it our favourite movie; or TV series; or documentary, is only a fraction of what actually goes on to ensure that we enjoy what we watch.

This also triggered what my friend shared with me recently. He mentioned that he received this really amazing opportunity because one of his ex–colleagues referred him. I just thought to myself as he was narrating his story, ‘Bongeka just rest’. Don’t get me wrong, we still need to put in the effort and work hard but a lot of things are really beyond our control. I am led to believe that God is a master of ‘behind the scenes’. There are a lot of things that have happened in my life that I was not actively pursuing or going for and yet found out later that God was the puppet master, ensuring that I met with the right person at just the right time.

There is a peace we must live with of knowing we may not see it, but there are things unfolding behind the scenes. Find encouragement in knowing that somehow there are positive changes that will come into your life and in many instances you will not see it because your vision is limited to the physical, but know this; there is a powerful force behind the scenes.

Life

Confident in a language not my own and that’s a shame…

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Something really interesting happened whilst we were having a family meeting. So I was sharing something in my language and my mum corrected me for pronouncing a word incorrectly. I was born and bred in the Province of Kwa-Zulu Natal in South Africa, which makes me a Zulu and my language is isiZulu. So in my conversation with my family, I was making an example of some Kings. Now, in IsiZulu when you referring to one King you say “Inkosi”. When you referring to more than one King you say “Amakhosi”

I accidently said “Izinkosi” because I assumed that since in IsiZulu we add “izi” when we referring to things in the plural for most things, then that should automatically apply to the word King/s as well. But of course I was wrong and mum corrected me. Now I knew the word “Amakhosi” but I think subconsciously I didn’t pay attention or didn’t care to pay attention because maybe I figured as long as I know English nothing else matters. I think of the many times I made silly mistakes in public whilst speaking in my own language but I didn’t get embarrassed as much as I get when I make a mistake whilst speaking the English language.

One of the missions of the British Empire was to conquer most of the world and create a mighty empire through influencing cultures, languages, nations etc. The days of an active and mighty British Empire are long past but the product of their influence remains through the English language. English no longer belongs to just a small country in Europe; English is a global culture print. Language influences not only the tongue but the customs and behaviours of the conquered begin to reflect those of the conquering nation.

I know a lot of people undermine and don’t even understand why certain institutions or professions that seek to preserve indigenous cultures exist. These institutions and professions ensure that the language and culture is preserved despite the insurmountable influences of globalisation thereby entrenching a sense of identity.

When we lose a sense of our identity we lose ourselves and a sense of our future. I always marvelled when I was younger watching the FIFA soccer world cup or Olympic Games or any other major event. I noticed that when the various leaders of the host countries would address the crowds they spoke in their own languages. This was a contradictory observation to me because, through the shaping of society especially in South Africa, we were made to believe that it was inappropriate to address crowds in your native language. I obviously understand some of the context around that, because if you have a mixture of different languages its best to speak a common language. But if the option of interpreters, sub-titles and other forms are available, then maybe we shouldn’t limit someone to express themselves in a language they most comfortable with and if that happens to be their native language, then so be it!

Now I know I have been told that this over focus on ‘isolated’ cultures, languages and people, causes a rift in society and fuels things such as tribalism and racism. I have heard commentary that says; actually we all just one big human race and that it’s society that created these various classifications of language, race, gender, culture, nation etc. Others say for goodness sake, let’s just get over this thing and just speak one unified language, what do you think?

Words,

Spontaneous, where art thou?

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I was attending an event on Saturday and as anticipated the event was nothing short of transformational. There were lots of nuggets of wisdom that the speaker shared and I found myself constantly saying a quiet prayer to the Lord, thanking him for the opportunity to hear truth and liberating teachings.

One of the things that really got my attention was when the speaker was sharing his life journey with us. He mentioned how he had grown up in environments that attempted to control him. By his very nature he is very spontaneous, but he found that for most of his life, he was reprimanded for his outbursts of spontaneity in many social settings. That obviously led to him living a chained life until; of course a time where his thinking began to shift and he understood the power of living as his “free” best self. Now being your best self has many variations but if one variation is being spontaneous then why not express that!

I felt such freedom when I heard him say that because all my life in many contexts and even till today some people frown over my spontaneous nature. I have been reprimanded a few times; I have been made to feel like I’m insubordinate; I have been made to feel like a bad person and the list is endless. But if I am truly honest with myself, I thrive on being free and being able to be spontaneous in whatever I am doing. I say the speaker freed my thinking when he shared this but I don’t think my behaviour has completely shifted yet. And I guess that will obviously take time. I have suppressed expressions of myself because I try and make everyone else comfortable around me. And I remember when 2017 began I wrote a piece titled ‘Back to basics’. That piece was my cry to God and to humanity, and I was merely saying that in order for me to live the purpose I was created for, I am going back to the heart of the matter, i.e. doing the things that are truthful to me and those aligned with the Lord’s will.

We can be so ritualistic and overly guarded because of the layers that society places upon us. I have even noticed that the corporate world has a tremendous impact in stripping away one’s spontaneous nature. Even environments which supposedly should stand for liberating the human heart; like churches and even our very homes can really do a great job at stifling a person’s spontaneous nature.

My enjoy life tip is this: Allow others to be themselves and allow yourself to be you. You may look foolish to some, but I believe God created us to fully enjoy the various expressions of our human nature as long as they glorify him and impact our humanity positively.

Growing,

The struggle of compromise

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I was talking to my sister about our younger brother’s room. Besides it being a typical guy’s room with things all over the place, over the past weekend it had a very weird pungent odour. You could swear the smell was conjured up in some big pot with ingredients including stinky shoes; stinky socks; banana peels; meat bones and I don’t know what else. My three brothers are very close and they decided to cuddle up in my younger brother’s room this weekend and binge on movies.

What’s funny is that when I first entered the room the smell was so strong and so overpowering that you couldn’t ignore it. I kept complaining to them to a point that they got a bit irritated and gave me the ultimatum to either go or stay. But because I am a sucker for family time…I decided to just chill for a few minutes. Guess what? After about an hour of chill time, I found that the smell didn’t bother me anymore. What’s worse is that I couldn’t even smell that there was something wrong. When I narrated this to my sister, she called it the “immune syndrome” which simply means in our own words- “you have become unaffected”… and just laughed about it.

It’s a scary thing and this actually made me think about life. Isn’t it funny how we can be so passionate about certain injustices happening around us, when we looking from the outside…but as soon as we become part of that “environment” we become unaffected and we compromise far worse. I see this happening all the time; we see it with some politicians. How it can be that for someone who once stood tall and risked his/her life for human rights, turns around and becomes part of the very fabric that undermines human rights through corruption. I see it happening in organisations, you can have so much zeal when you take on a new role, passionate about making a difference. But because everyone around you “slacks”, gossips about the boss, you begin to lose your drive and find yourself part of the passion draining cliques.

I see it happening in churches, we witness Pastor’s consistently manipulate people and abuse them and they all use the name of God to do this. Yet we remain silent at some of these injustices for the sake of “peace”. Tell me, when people are stripped of their human respect and dignity; is that peace?

The compromise narrative is an interesting one. In the context of relationship building, we often hear that for human relationships’ to be healthy there has got to be a compromise. You have to do your part to ensure things run smoothly. But I’ve since learnt that sometimes compromise is not what you do, but what you don’t do. Every time we choose to turn a blind eye and don’t speak up against certain injustices we are perverting justice and the truth is not in us. I am distraught at how people in authority within the various factions of our society abuse people. Yet at the same time, I am not of the opinion that change solely lies with those in power. But we as a society united and taking action can influence change.

To be honest, I’ve lived with some level of guilt about not speaking up about certain things and this article is part of my contribution in kindling a debate around some of the social ills we witness all around us.

Wisdom, ,

Truly, one man’s meat is another man’s poison…

Written by Bongeka
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My parents are just really amusing in their own very different and unique ways. But I am particularly intrigued at my dad’s patterns as he ages gracefully. So one of the things we have come to notice is how much my dad loves sweet things. But he is particularly very fond of cakes. It’s so funny; he always hints every time we go grocery shopping or if someone goes to the supermarket, that they should bring a cake.

Recently he was at the supermarket and of course he walked willingly to the bakery area and spotted a flavour, in the cake section, he had not seen before. So he decided to buy this cake to taste the flavour. He bought a burfee flavoured cake. Burfee is an Indian flavour. When I took a small slice of the cake it reminded me of the Diwali cakes we would eat at school. My sister also shared the same sentiments. The cake flavour was okay to me, but I am still a diehard carrot and cheese cake fan. My dad and sister also felt that the cake was okay but they still remain loyal to carrot and velvet flavours.

My younger brother, the last born however had never tasted this burfee flavour and to him it was unconditional love at first bite. He absolutely loved it and I can safely say he had 70% of it by himself.  My mom also took a slice and couldn’t even finish it. She felt nauseous after eating it and loathed it. I laughed as I witnessed the different reactions that this burfee flavoured cake bought to our home and I was reminded of the phrase that ‘One man’s meat is another man’s poison’.

Of course over the years this phrase has evolved into different kinds, to name just a few; One’s man’s trash is another man’s treasure; one man’s ceiling is another man’s floor; one man’s pleasure is another man’s pain; one man’s loss is another man’s profit and one man’s fault is another man’s lesson. It doesn’t matter which of the above phrases you use really, the meaning is the same. The meaning of this is everything is relative, what one person values, another may think worthless.

Okay so the point that I am trying to make in this piece is that, we are increasingly in a period where you have to be very clear about what your meat is!

I am saying this because I was having a conversation with someone and they made it seem like what I valued “my meat” was not something worth pursuing. They indicated how they had tried to pursue that and many others and failed dismally. But here’s the thing, it works for me, I am at peace and that’s all that matters.

Growing