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The paradox of remembrance…

I am going through a very uncomfortable, but interesting phase in my life. I have been praying about something’s to a point, where sometimes I continually pose questions of whether the things I am praying for will ever come to pass.

I often find myself confronted with two interesting realities. One part of me strongly says “Bongeka, forget the past mistakes which translated into bad relationship choices; bad financial decisions; lost opportunities; etc. But another part of me also strongly says; never forget how you prayed and worked hard for certain things and today you have attained those things.

There are often battles that rage within all of us…have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to forget the bad decisions of our past, but, we often seem to easily forget our past triumph’s; past successes and God’s faithfulness.

Life is a fascinating journey…we have to understand that forgetting our past mistakes, in order to take charge of our future is important, but also increasingly important is being able to recall situations in our past that seemed really difficult and we didn’t know how we were going to get out, but a breakthrough came. As I was feeling down, I remembered situations which I thought were very difficult and I thought I would never pull through, but you know what, I did, and all glory goes to God for that.

My enjoy life tip is this – commit to having a wall of remembrance, put this up in a space you see often. And every time you don’t see a way out of a difficult situation; just look at all the things you prayed for; hoped for; and worked hard for and find encouragement that even in the impossible situation you currently in, all things will eventually work out for your good.

What’s your trademark?

I open with these words “while revolutionaries as individuals can be murdered, you cannot kill ideas”.

Those cutting edge words were uttered by an African leader whom I was introduced to for the first time on Sunday night.

I was shocked that never in my life have I come across this name. Is it that his life is not popularly referred to by historians? Or is it just simply my own ignorance?

Without wanting to assume that he is a well-known figure, please allow me to share a very brief biography about this great son of the African soil.

My brother had set a reminder for the documentary and he insisted that he had watched an amazing documentary and he knew I would benefit tremendously from watching it and trust me he was not exaggerating.

I was cosy on my couch after a great Sunday afternoon chill session with friends and then I got introduced to this man called Thomas Sankara. Thomas Sankara is/was the Ex-president of Burkina Faso. During his reign he renamed the country Burkina Faso, meaning “the land of the upright people”

Many historians and political commentators have called him a great revolutionist. In my own words he was simply “light”. I say this because he really shook the global stage by his leadership example and his “selfless” passion for his country and its people.

His government’s main goals were geared towards fighting corruption, replantation, preventing famine and he made education and health real priorities.  Whilst watching the documentary, I really loved the way he completely revolutionised the way women were looked at in West Africa. Under his reign women were promoted to government positions and he banned female circumcision and condemned polygamy (http://www.africansuccess.org). Some of these ideas were not too popular in the 1980s in that part of the world. I also really loved the way he addressed the western world when he was speaking at United Nations conferences. He spoke as a man convinced that the western so called structures meant to “aid” Africa were in fact crippling it. He called for a renaissance within the continent.

But his life was soon cut short when his best friend organised a coup against him and he was murdered. You know after watching that documentary I had mixed feelings, one part of me was so excited about gaining knowledge about this legendary leader. Another part of me was sad and hurt that Africa had been robbed of such a great thinker.

I felt like I was exposed to an African president who was really distinct. And as I sat there for some odd reason this thought came into my mind “until there is a death threat for one’s life, we cannot claim revolutionary status”. Its quiet overwhelming I know but the more I was reflecting on what I had just watched, I started thinking of the many others who also lost their lives for stirring up society transforming revolutions.  I think of JF Kennedy, Dr Martin Luther King Jr, Steve Biko, Chris Hani, Ruth First…and many others.

These great leaders were in fact “trade markers”. I thought to myself “wow Bongeka this man may have died but his ideas live on in many forms both in his country and many parts of the world”…I began to ask myself what is my trademark? In a more researched term a trademark is “a brand name, a slogan or a logo. It identifies the services or goods of one person and distinguishes it from the goods and services of another.” (http://www.cipc.co.za).

I would like to offer this simple definition: a trademark is an idea, a dream, a purpose that will out-live and out-last you! I know mine…what is yours?

The heartache of expectations…

I think India Arie rightly stated it when she uttered the words “…I am not my hair; I am not this skin; I am not your expectations no no…” As I was cooking and humming some melodies in my kitchen, I had one of those reflective moments about life. I thought about some of the people I had encountered and some of the decisions I had made.

All of a sudden it hit me!  I realized that most of my disappointments in life, had come from relationships where I had expected too much from people.  Having expectations is a part and parcel of every relationship.

Think about it, at work our bosses have expectations of us to deliver and do great work. We also have expectations that they in turn would be supportive and guide us accordingly, so that we deliver. When one feels their expectation is not being met that can cause a lot of unhappiness. In our relationships with our friends and partners, we often get disappointed and hurt if somehow an expectation is not met.

I have had fights with friends and family, because they had expected me to say something in a particular situation or do something and I didn’t do it. I just really think sometimes we live life measuring people with our own individualized scales. How accurate those scales are, I don’t know?

Just because you think I must do or say something, doesn’t mean I think the same thing and that’s okay because we are different people.

As people, sometimes we are really not diligent in terms of how we handle our hearts…we lay it open anyhow, and we wonder why we get heartaches. We have to be diligent with protecting our hearts, after all, the issues of life flow from it.

Am I suggesting that you go through life without expectations?! No! Not at all. All I am saying is, we have to learn somehow not to let our hearts get rooted in unrealistic expectations.

My enjoy life tip is this: Just live your life fulfilling God’s will. Look to HIM and don’t be so overly concerned about noticing everything people do or don’t do, about what they say or don’t say…live with a heart full of joy!

 

The Human!

On my way to work I was listening to my regular programme on the radio. The guest speaking that day really caught my attention and had me glued to the conversation. He began to unpack the life of a gentleman called Roger Lucey.

He was so deep and powerful as he began to tell this story. Now Roger Lucey can be considered as one of those South African heroes who don’t feature much in our history tales. But the South African music industry decided that the time to celebrate this unsung hero was long overdue.

He recalled how Roger Lucey played an integral role in the fight against Apartheid in South Africa. What fascinated me about his story was that Roger Lucey was not even a politician but a brilliant musician.

He used his craft to raise awareness about the social injustices happening in South Africa and he was so adamant about his stance against it in his music. He did this so much to a point that the Apartheid Government Security unit made his music career and life miserable. They disturbed his concerts and stopped his music from playing on media platforms.

He had no other choice but to cut his music career very short.  Someone may say but Bongeka, there are so many other musicians and even black South Africans musicians who did the same thing to a point where they had to go into exile.

I completely agree and all these heroes played a pivotal role and all the books in the world will not be enough for us to reflect on their lives.

But there is a lesson I wanted to draw from Roger Lucey story… you see my friend Roger Lucey was a white man. And if we look into the Apartheid context, he really didn’t have to do this.

But he chose to literally put his own life in the line for the cause of human rights. Most people of colour in South Africa fought because the system hit home and they were the ones suffering.

After the speaker had finished on the radio, I was so touched by this that I began pondering and asking myself honestly, have I really been a true advocate for my fellow humans? I recall instances in my life where I have witnessed varying degrees of human rights violations in different social contexts. I have stood up for some and yet have been too silent in some.

In this “me” and “I” driven generation we can be so absorbed into our own realities that we forget about those around us. I recall instances when after I had graduated and started working. Most of my peers would gather every weekend, showing off their new cars and talking about their amazing corporate jobs.

All of a sudden there was an emerging class of young black professionals, whose common thread was that the township had been their nesting place. But now they had “made it”.  And to celebrate their achievement meant creating an “elite” society that thrived on social gatherings.

But one question that always lingered on my mind was, okay yes, “we have made it” and then “so what?”

I find that the more advanced and sophisticated we become the easier it is to forget the “human” element. We become so ignorant of world affairs and even the things happening in our own countries. Even those of us who are part of powerful society transforming institutions like Corporates, the Church, Democratic/liberation organisations can be so inward looking to a point that we forget that we exist within a society that has many issues.

No matter the race, the country, the continent, the social status, the physical appearance etc. – an umbilical cord that binds us all is the fact that we are HUMAN.

My enjoy life tip is this: as long as you breathing find a cause that will benefit the next human. Now I am not suggesting we step outside of our comfort zones. But in our different industries and the places of influence we find ourselves in, “be aware of the Human” and in whatever way feels true to you touch the next person’s life.

We ought to stop being so inward looking. Care, Greet, Give, Teach, Be generous, Build, Love, Respect and most importantly let’s learn to celebrate every one’s differences and uniqueness. As Joyce Meyer rightly puts it “The best way to get along with everyone is not to expect them to be like you”…

Are you dressed appropriately?

I am not a winter person period, I’m more of a summer babe and I am so happy that in South Africa we are approaching the final chapters of winter this year…But one thing I do love about winter is that it’s the only time I can wear my really short skirts and get away with it because of the thick stockings I wear them with.

Recently though I was wearing one of those very short skirts and was asked to go somewhere to speak. But I was actually uncomfortable. Now don’t get me wrong I was cool with the skirt the only point of “uncomfort” came when I realised I had to stand in front of people and it hit me!

Instead of people listening to me, they will be looking at my waist downwards and I realised I don’t want the message I had to share to be diluted by what I was wearing.

So unfortunately I lost out on an opportunity to share something and who knows maybe I would have said something to help somebody and who knows what opportunities would have opened up for me.

As I was reflecting, this thought came to my mind; most of us are not “dressed” appropriately for our destinies/purpose.

Can I ask you a question- Would you leave your house to go to an important meeting naked or wearing shabby clothes? Of course not!  Why? Because, it’s just not appropriate.

Many of us want to be the next great business man/woman; academic; media mogul; sports personality; preacher; writer; actor and whatever it is but we have not taken the time to “dress” ourselves with the right knowledge, skills, exposure so that when those opportunities come our way, we will be able to embrace them.

Most of us think we will just stumble into our purpose. We don’t write down what we need to do and actively go after what we want. We often wonder why we don’t achieve most of the things we desire.

My enjoy life tip is this- Dress appropriately through actively reading, seeking knowledge; getting the right experience or whatever else you believe will assist you. To be able to achieve anything you need focus and focus is a deliberate daily effort.

Desperation gives birth to Einstein

I have this habit of drinking hot water with lemon and honey in the morning and evening before I head to bed. A couple of nights ago as I was about to read my book and wanted to make myself a cup with the above ingredients, I realised that I had run out of lemons and there was also just a small amount of honey left that I struggled to even get out through the opening.

But since my throat was in dire need of a soothing and I didn’t just want to drink the hot water by itself, I decided to cut the honey container with a knife in the middle so that I could open and use a teaspoon to draw out what was left. I started to laugh at myself for doing this in fact I said “really Bongeka, now this is desperation at its highest” In this moment I realised something and this brought back many childhood memories.

We have this amazing ability as human beings to problem solve and find innovative ways of making things work when faced with an “unfavourable” or “desperate” situation. The most classic example I can think of was during my early years growing up in the township. I recall that many of our parents couldn’t afford to buy us fancy board games, dolls, car toys etc…and how did we respond to that? Well since every child has this innate need to “play” we invented stuff. I think about the innovative games we had; I think about the cars our brothers invented using wires that were lying around.

My big brother went as far as developing our very own “monopoly board game”. We had been inducted to this wonderful game when we went to visit our cousin who was an only child and we were hooked! Now when we got home we simply could not stop talking about this amazing game we had played. So my brother decided since mummy and daddy can’t buy it for us, he will make one.

He simply took a flat piece of an old wardrobe cupboard, used mum’s pen markers to create the icons on the board; we found some plastic stuff lying around that we used as icons and voilà our very own monopoly.

My enjoy life tip is this- even in the face of lack we can still create something or find a way to make something work. How many of us have used a shoe to hit a nail in instead of a hammer? So my challenge to you is, maybe you have been trying to find a solution to solve a business, school,  relationship, career or ministry problem and you have been attempting tried and tested conventional methods. But I’m saying maybe take a step back and perhaps what you really looking for is a very unconventional way of solving that issue!