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30 seconds of weakness…

Written by Bongeka
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I have this very special friend of mine and I was just reflecting on our journey together. When we initially started talking, we misunderstood each other a lot. It was like we were in the “storming phase” of the team development journey. Research suggest that a new team cannot be expected to perform optimally when it first comes together. Literature in team and people dynamics reports that forming a team takes time because members often go through recognizable stages as they change from being a collection of strangers to a united group with common goals. “Bruce Tuckman’s Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing and Adjourning model describes these stages. The storming phase is where people start to push against the boundaries established in the forming stage. This is the stage where many teams fail. Storming often starts where there is a conflict between team members’ natural working styles.” https://www.mindtools.com. I must say my friend and I had our own hectic storming phase.

The more we engaged in dialogue the more I realised that he was forming an inconclusive perception of who I am. I think to people who don’t know me well, I can come across as “weird” and to those who see life through patriarchal lens, they may perceive me to be a feminist. His inconclusive statements were portraying me as a difficult human unwilling to open and yield to understanding other people’s world views. After he had mentioned his statement about how he was going to make me more “human” because I was difficult, I was mad. A few seconds after our conversation I started to think that perhaps he was right about me. It’s amazing how we can hear nine reviews about how exceptional we are, and hear the one negative comment and it dominates our minds.

Though my friend and I have made tremendous progress in our relationship and I suspect we always bound to conflict in some way as he often says that we come from two very different worlds. However, I must say that one of the most liberating things for me has been realizing that we cannot stay mad at people for saying certain things about us. Sometimes people don’t have the “language” to express what they are perceiving or experiencing, and they will use the closest, and not necessarily the most accurate words based on their current vocabulary.

One of my personal strategic goals is to learn daily and not allow statements that people make about me to become my “truth” because the reality is no one lives my life the way I do.

Even as we still in the early stages of 2018, I want us to guide against and protect our hearts/spirit from falling into “30 seconds of weakness”. My definition of 30 seconds of weakness is those few moments in time when we choose to take, accept and believe what other people say about us more than what we believe we truly are.

I love the proverb that says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” Proverbs 23:7 New King James Version (NKJV). You are what you truly believe you are.

What creates the context for your life is your spirit not your brain. Your spirit is the better part of you and I choose to draw from that every time I face 30 seconds of weakness so that I can be sharpened to better serve humanity.

 

Wisdom, ,

In my neighbour’s shoes…

Written by Bongeka
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A few days ago, someone did something that completely contradicted what they had said about themselves months before. They continued to reaffirm the positive statement they had made about themselves even after the contradicting behaviour and I was taken aback by this. To a point where I judged them. Whilst in that zone of judging this person, I was reminded of something powerful my friend always used to say.

In our conversations about individuals, she used to say, “You know Bongs, if someone says they are something, believe them because maybe that’s what they are aspiring to be”.

I have not heard my friend say this in a long time but I thank God that I was reminded of it. I started reflecting that many times we judge people based on their current character, which is not always fair.

So, for example, if someone says about themselves “I am a kind person” we judge them on the moments where they have not been kind to us and we look at them through the “lens” of how we interact or have interacted with them. But we should be sensitive to realise that, maybe they are really aspiring to be a kind or kinder person even if they not that yet.

I think maybe we ought to believe people more and not necessarily judge them on their “current” flaws.

Maybe the person believes that the more they say out loud what they aim to be, the more it will trigger a chain reaction in their brain and eventually they will hold themselves accountable to be a kind person. Maybe we should start believing that people genuinely want to change for the better. I acknowledge that sometimes this can be an extremely long process and very difficult. But put yourself in your neighbours shoes, don’t you also want to change and be better? Don’t you want to be easily forgiven and for people not to judge you for every little mistake you make? I am a fundamental believer that whatever seeds you sow, you will reap. So, the more we able to put ourselves in our neighbours shoes and believe that people can change and become better, the more that will become a reality in our lives through how other people will treat us.

Wisdom,

Maybe what our world needs is “Sticky” people…

Written by Bongeka
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Someone once said, “One day our tombstone will read our date of birth, our date of death and a dash separating the two. What matters most isn’t necessarily the date of birth and the date of death. But it’s the dash. The dash, as unimportant as it seems on the tombstone – is a true reflection of a person’s life”, and he asked “what will your dash say?”

This statement challenged me two years ago when I looked at my life holistically and realised that there were two areas of my life, where I was not fully realizing my potential. So, I decided to change these areas. One area I can say was changed. The other area, well at first it seemed like things were going according to plan, until things took a very unexpected turn. That’s when you realise how people have such an interesting way of handling life’s unexpected twist and turns. Based on some of the conversations I have had with people, I deduce that to some people viewing my life, they see confusion, they see failure, they see difficulty and maybe many other unsaid “sad” things. Yet to others, they see great faith, they see destiny being chased and they are excited to see how this story unfolds. Yet in both these interactions there is always some undertone suggestion that perhaps I was wrong. “I’ve heard people say “maybe you just don’t want to give up on this dream of yours because you have invested so much effort into it, but not necessarily that it is what you should be doing. Perhaps give up on this and consider investing in this other alternative to get where you want to be.”

I’ve tried to defend my cause to a point where I decided to keep quiet. I can never explain why I want “this thing” so much. But of late I know that wisdom called out to me and said Stick-ability. I was reading an interesting book on some simple steps on financial management and one of the things the author touched one was this concept. In financial terms, he referred to Stick-ability as “a necessary quality on the long road to financial success.”

I looked up the concept further and loved the Oxford definition. They said “Stick-ability – a person’s ability to persevere with something; staying power. The secret of success – Stick-ability” (www.oxforddictionaries.com).

Contributor for Forbes online magazine, Kevin Harrington, said, “It’s no secret that successful entrepreneurs have something special that sets them apart. Every business venture runs into obstacles, challenges and setbacks. Sometimes they come from the outside world, and sometimes they come from inside the organisation or even ourselves. We all make mistakes from time and time! But the secret ingredient that makes some people succeed when others fail is the ability to keep going even after things go wrong and that quality is referred to as Stick-ability (www.forbes.com).

I don’t know if you still need any further convincing my friend, but maybe you will explore this notion further with me. In my humble opinion, I am tired of this overwhelming need to always have an explanation when things don’t go according to plan. What if the wisdom that life keeps teaching every generation is that the magic is in the madness. What if life is saying over and over, things will look bad before they look great.

I believe everyone one should possess the quality of Stick-ability. We should have the discipline to wait and see things through. If you have committed to a process, just see it through even if things don’t seem to be working out at first. I think ask yourself this question. “Did I make the right decision even though I’m not seeing the intended results?” If you at peace with the answer, then see this thing through and join me in deciding to be a “sticky” person.

Wisdom, ,

The struggle of compromise

Written by Bongeka
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I was talking to my sister about our younger brother’s room. Besides it being a typical guy’s room with things all over the place, over the past weekend it had a very weird pungent odour. You could swear the smell was conjured up in some big pot with ingredients including stinky shoes; stinky socks; banana peels; meat bones and I don’t know what else. My three brothers are very close and they decided to cuddle up in my younger brother’s room this weekend and binge on movies.

What’s funny is that when I first entered the room the smell was so strong and so overpowering that you couldn’t ignore it. I kept complaining to them to a point that they got a bit irritated and gave me the ultimatum to either go or stay. But because I am a sucker for family time…I decided to just chill for a few minutes. Guess what? After about an hour of chill time, I found that the smell didn’t bother me anymore. What’s worse is that I couldn’t even smell that there was something wrong. When I narrated this to my sister, she called it the “immune syndrome” which simply means in our own words- “you have become unaffected”… and just laughed about it.

It’s a scary thing and this actually made me think about life. Isn’t it funny how we can be so passionate about certain injustices happening around us, when we looking from the outside…but as soon as we become part of that “environment” we become unaffected and we compromise far worse. I see this happening all the time; we see it with some politicians. How it can be that for someone who once stood tall and risked his/her life for human rights, turns around and becomes part of the very fabric that undermines human rights through corruption. I see it happening in organisations, you can have so much zeal when you take on a new role, passionate about making a difference. But because everyone around you “slacks”, gossips about the boss, you begin to lose your drive and find yourself part of the passion draining cliques.

I see it happening in churches, we witness Pastor’s consistently manipulate people and abuse them and they all use the name of God to do this. Yet we remain silent at some of these injustices for the sake of “peace”. Tell me, when people are stripped of their human respect and dignity; is that peace?

The compromise narrative is an interesting one. In the context of relationship building, we often hear that for human relationships’ to be healthy there has got to be a compromise. You have to do your part to ensure things run smoothly. But I’ve since learnt that sometimes compromise is not what you do, but what you don’t do. Every time we choose to turn a blind eye and don’t speak up against certain injustices we are perverting justice and the truth is not in us. I am distraught at how people in authority within the various factions of our society abuse people. Yet at the same time, I am not of the opinion that change solely lies with those in power. But we as a society united and taking action can influence change.

To be honest, I’ve lived with some level of guilt about not speaking up about certain things and this article is part of my contribution in kindling a debate around some of the social ills we witness all around us.

Wisdom, ,

Nike said “Just do it” and I agree…

Written by Bongeka
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Curious about how Nike came up with their catchy tag line ‘Just do it’? Well, let me share a bit. The slogan was coined in 1988 at an advertising agency meeting and the founder of Wieden + Kennedy agency, Dan Wieden credited his inspiration for ‘Just do It’ to Gary Gilmore’s last words ‘Let’s do It’. In 1976 Gilmore robbed and murdered two men in Utah and was executed by a firing squad. They asked him if he had any final words and he said ‘Let’s do it’. However after much creative thinking, Dan Wieden changed the words to ‘Just do it’ and presented the tagline to the sportswear powerhouse and well as they always say the rest is history (https://www.dezeen.com). I really like this tagline and think a lot of people also love it. It has survived for so long because it is not only catchy but it is powerful.

To be honest, I’m not really a sportswoman and I don’t wear much Nike products but my older brother is a Nike person; there is something about that tagline which resonates with people from all walks of life. These three words allow you to make the meaning personal to you.

I wanted to share about this because I’ve been having a lot of conversations with people who keep telling me “you know Bongs, I want to do that and this but I don’t have the money, no one is giving me the opportunity and I simply don’t have the energy, etc” the list is endless. The danger with this is that, since people feel that they don’t have the opportunities or the energy, they give up altogether and end up not wanting to do anything, and that my friend is a death warrant for your dreams. I completely understand when people say this because I go through that too, but I’ve also learnt a powerful principle in the process.

I’ve learnt to just do something, no matter how small or big, recognised or not, it may not even be the ultimate thing I want but I’ve learnt the principle of just sowing seeds with the understanding that I may never know where my harvest will come from. Recently, I was asked to share something at a gathering and I recited the following words I had read “the less you do, the less you want to do and the more useless you become”.

The invert of that will be “when you do, the more you going to want to do, the more useful you become”. Reality is, we don’t always feel like doing the things we meant to do, but when we fight within ourselves and ensure that we actually take the first step we gather more strength. Sometimes remaining consistent and being successful has nothing to do with passion but everything to do with action.

The authors of the book “The Daniel Plan – 40 days to a healthier life” said it best when they shared “What you do with your body sets the tone for everything else. Physical health influences your mental health, your spiritual health, your emotional health, your relational health, and even your financial health. How many times have you read a book, heard a message or attended an event that motivated you to make some change, but then you didn’t have the physical energy to do it? Instead, you lay down on your couch and watched TV. A major motivation for us to be physically healthy is that we want the energy and alertness to make other changes in our lives”.

Some people always comment about how they love reading PenTheVision columns and ask how I come up with some of the content. To be honest there are times when I don’t feel like writing, you find that I am discouraged about the challenges in my life, but as soon as I gather enough physical strength, I stand up, grab the laptop, open a blank page, pray and start writing. As soon as I start it’s like a flood of ideas begin to saturate my mind. I also fundamentally believe ideas are attracted to action.

So my enjoy life tip is this, start small, gather enough physical energy and Just do it. Maybe you need to add some sort of exercise in your life or tweak your diet a bit to ensure you are physically alert and able to do whatever it is you need to do, then do that. If you need to study, please wake up, sit up straight and grab that book. If you have to write a book, a proposal, a report, a message, a lesson; whatever it is, grab your laptop or diary and just start penning your thoughts. In the insurmountable things you need to accomplish trust me when I say, strength follows action.

Wisdom,

Receive your sight…

Written by Bongeka
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I woke up this morning, and this word just came straight to my heart “short-sightedness”. I was amazed and just laughed. As someone who loves to share everyday experiences through writing, I really have to make sure I am always alert to appreciate the wisdom that is always right before me and around me. I starting thinking about this word and two classic examples came into my mind.

I recall a conversation I had with a business executive at work. I was actually giving him feedback about what people had said in the workshops we had run. A lot of people were complaining about a strategic project that the business had introduced. They just didn’t understand the logic behind it and felt that things should have been kept the same. They will say things like “why are we changing so many things, let’s leave things the way they are”. So I was sharing this feedback and I must admit after receiving the feedback myself I really felt concerned about what people were saying and also began to have some doubts about the project, Until…

Well it’s true when the proverb says “The first to speak in court sounds right until the cross-examination begins” Until the executive began to open my mind about why the business had embarked on this strategic project, I realised that there were two sides to this story. It’s true that there were teething issues, like any major change but the overall crux of the matter was that the leaders who had signed off on this were not being short-sighted. He began to unpack to me how our competitors were gaining momentum and if we don’t strategically position ourselves for the future, we run the risk of closing shop like so many great corporate giants.

But this particular project was going to be our “competitive” jackpot. Not even one of our competitors had caught onto this, and we were ahead of the game. He made me realise that leadership is a shrewd occupation because you see things other people don’t see. Yes your decisions will be challenged, sometimes in the face of difficulty, you can also question your own decisions, but one thing is sure…You simply cannot afford to be short-sighted. You have to receive the right sight…you need foresight.

In a recent example, I was watching the 10 year awards celebration of our Premier Soccer League (PSL) and Super Sport partnership. They began to “throwback” to the time when this whole partnership was established. They shared how in the inception, the government and mass media at large challenged this. Their biggest concern was that soccer is South Africa’s most loved sport and that moving the game screenings to a paid channel would mean that millions of South Africans would not be able to enjoy the beautiful game and this would cause an upheaval in the land. But, they were wrong…the 10 year celebration was an outcome of the success of this partnership. Imagine if the PSL and SuperSport leaders had succumbed to the naysayers but they didn’t because they were not short-sighted and the benefits have been great.

In whatever field you in and whatever your position is, if you want lasting and sustainable change you cannot afford to be short-sighted. Changes and decisions that will outlast and outlive you need to be approached with the greatest of foresight…

Wisdom,

The art of being still…(Bonus edition)

Written by Bongeka
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Clarity about my purpose and most of the ideas I have thought off and have made a reality were birth from a place of being still. We find ourselves in an interesting period in our Generation, where there is an ever increased focus on people talking about purpose. A lot of people want to find out what their purpose in this world is and my question to you dear friend is, have you practised the art of being still?

What does it mean to be still? It means finding time in our busy lives, to be by ourselves and just silent. People do this differently, I prefer waking up early to pray, read and mediate on the word of the Lord. I find when I do this, I reflect a lot about my life and I allow God to speak to my heart, offering me direction.

In one of my still moments, I was also reading the book of Genesis 11:12.There is an interesting story that made me realise something and further clarified this thing about purpose.We are introduced to a few characters namely, Abram, Sarai, Haran, Lot and Nahor. Now Lot’s father Haran had died, so Lot ended up living with his grandfather; Abram and Sarai Abram’s wife. In the context of our modern society, we probably will ask ourselves why didn’t Lot just find his own place, but remember people in the olden days had more of a communal conviction and it was normal for one to live with relatives even though they were old enough to live on their own.

Now, what was interesting to me is that Lot could have either chosen to stay with Nahor his other father’s brother or stay in the land of Haran, where his grandfather had died. But he decided to follow Abram, when Abram decided to go to another land with his wife. Could it be that Abram had exhibited such great fatherly love to him that he followed him wherever he went?  Lot would not have followed him, if Abram was not treating him right. What I learned from this story is that Abram who God later changed his name to Abraham to mean “the father of many nations” was purposed to be a father. Abraham’s purpose was to be a father and bring forth a nation. Look at the first thing we hear God say to him in Genesis 12:2, “I will make you into a great nation”.So I have reason to believe that his purpose/destiny i.e. to be a father to nations, began or was established even before God called him and changed his name.

I started thinking about my own life; I know that one of the things which are a major part of my purpose is to be involved in humanitarian/ socio-economic development work. I know I am meant to be a communicator and share ground breaking research and solutions around some of the socio-economic issues we face in the world.

In my still time, I was just reflecting on the time when I was in primary school and I began to enter speech contests; joined the debating club and in high school I did a lot of biology talks. As I was reflecting I realised that I always chose topics that had some sort humanitarian/human rights/social development inclination. To recall just a few, I remember in primary school I did a speech on racism and xenophobia.

In high school, I did research on human cloning and presented that. My teachers were so impressed that I represented my schools both in primary and high schools in regional and district competitions.  In varsity, I did a lot of study on labour and organisational studies and movements which have underpinnings of human rights. So what am I trying to say? That our destiny/purpose is like that exercise of connecting the dots one-by-one, until an image that makes sense is formed. Even before your purpose is crystal clear to you,the dots started connecting slowly. Are you wondering, what is my purpose? Well my friend, begin to trace back your life and look at things that have been a common feature and ask God and trust me the time you spend practising the art of being still, the clearer your purpose becomes.

Wisdom,