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Who are you accountable to?

Written by Bongeka
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My sister and I really enjoy watching the crime channel. But trust me when I say we have no intentions of becoming criminals, we simply watch it out of fascination. We are fascinated that there are human beings who think like that. Some of the crimes are so well planned but what shocks us the most is that most of the murder crimes are committed by people closest to the victims.

We always pose the question when we watch a gruesome act; don’t these people have a conscience? Do they not fear God? Do they not fear what their loved ones or the community will say?

I remember echoing to my sister that I am very afraid of someone who is not accountable to anyone, to a point that I will be very scared to marry someone who is not accountable to any one because that person could kill me. I am accountable to different people and I always think twice before doing anything, because I always think about the consequences of my actions.

I know this is very contrary and goes against what we often hear in our generation. We are constantly bombarded with the gospel of “do whatever feels right to you”. I have a bit of an issue with that. I’ve been in situations where I felt like punching someone in the face or getting a gun and shooting them and that felt right to me at that point because of the hurt I was experiencing. But, I didn’t because the consequences of my actions would have not contributed to a more peaceful society.

I think if we begin to live with the “accountability mindset”, we will act appropriately. If we have that consciousness even in our work environments we won’t abuse company resources and when we make mistakes in the projects we work on we can simply admit the wrong done and adjust our behaviour accordingly.

We live in a world where people just want to do whatever they feel and throw the “I have rights phrase” in your face and that is why we have so many challenges in our world today. I was reflecting and realised that in the periods of my life where I didn’t have the “accountability consciousness”, I made some really foolish mistakes. The minute I adopted the accountability mindset I changed my tactics.

Being accountable to someone does not take away your power, but rather it gives you the tremendous honour of subconsciously being of service to those around us. We often picture serving as a very domesticated act (e.g. washing people clothes; making coffee for someone at work; running errands for someone etc.), but I would like to argue that when we consciously think about our actions from an accountability point of view, we can really do great things collectively.

Life

Live at your own pace…

Written by Bongeka
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As part of my daily routine,I really love going for a jog early in the morning. This morning though was a bit funny, so I wanted to share this. As I left our apartment gate, I started jogging in my own pace which others may consider slow. There was another lady who left the gate together with me and she was super-fast as she jogged and left me with a huge distance between us. As I was jogging, there were three guys standing around, mere on-lookers really. One of them commented and said to me “run faster and catch up with her, come-on, she is better than you, run, run.”

I told myself, “You know what Bongs, just ignore him”. He and his friend’s then started walking behind me and the dude just couldn’t shut up. He screamed behind me saying “this jogging thing is tough neh”. Well, thankfully I was about to take a turn and that was my escape from him. I kept at my pace not resting anywhere but as soon as I turned to go downhill, guess who I found, the same lady that was running/jogging at a fast pace. There she was tired as ever and walking slowly and had her hands on her waist. I just raised my hand to salute her and kept jogging at the same pace. When I got home I really laughed at this incident and reflected on everything that just happened.

In many ways, our lives are like this, we could be living our lives the way we know is best as per the Master’s will. And then we receive commentary from mere on-lookers who begin to compare us with those around us. If we are not clear and careful about the purpose of our lives, we can easily fall into these traps and live at a pace foreign to us. Can you imagine what would have happened to me if I decided to speed and succumbed to the pressure of what that guy had said? Maybe I would have been so tired that I would not have finished the distance I had planned to jog. When we live life in a pace that’s not ours, more often than not, we will not accomplish the things we meant to do.

 

Life,

Come out from amongst them…

Written by Bongeka
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We have all heard the idiom “one rotten potato in bag can make the rest also rotten”; well this saying became a reality to me this past week. I was in the kitchen and there was a bad scent that I could smell coming from the food cupboard. When I checked, there were two rotten potatoes and those potatoes made the rest go bad. As I took them out and was cleaning the area, I starting reflecting on how in many ways, as human beings, we are affected by the “rotten-potatoes”, rather people we allow to enter our lives.

The reality is, who you hang around with is a reflection of your character and whether you like it or not this will affect your future. I think another idiom that best describes this is “Birds of a feather flock Together”.

This is an interesting and powerful metaphor for life. If there is one negative person amongst a group of friends, does it mean they are all negative? The answer is no, but be warned as the negativity can quickly spread. Don’t stay loyal to relationships that are not loyal to your progress…come out from amongst them!

My enjoy life tip is this – 2017 has just commenced and I know at the beginning of the year, we all have this great energy and we make a lot of resolutions. Can I plead and say, may the company you keep be amongst the things that you consider this year. Come out from people and environments that rob you of your peace and progress. Surround yourself with people who build you…choose wisely!

Life,

Back to Basics…

Written by Bongeka
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I am on a journey of realizing that a “de-clustered” life can have tremendous benefits for one’s well-being. This journey was further entrenched by one of the project’s I was working on at work. Now the nature of this project was a bit peculiar; in that usually when corporate’s initiate projects they focus on introducing new systems, new behaviors, new processes and the aim is a complete transformation from the way things are currently done. This project had a simple mandate; and that mandate was let’s do the “right” things we did when starting this business unit.

When our business unit started, the chief architects had an amazing and unique model that worked and turned the organisation into a great success. But somehow, over the years as the business grew with rapid change demands from the business world and in trying to balance making profit and remaining relevant a lot of “undesirable” practices sneaked in.

We found ourselves in a space where people rattled with the “very thing” that was core to us. We acknowledge that we live in a world of fast pace change; but we also recognize that one cannot embrace new changes if we have not clarified the very core of who we are. The project’s objective was a plight of going back to basics and reinforcing processes and behaviors aligned to our core.

This work really touched my life in that I realized that in my own personal journey, I had rattled with my core. I abandoned a lot of basics that had initially made me successful and adopted “foreign” techniques which looked way better equipped to deal with an “ideal modern” woman. But actually, these may have worked for others, but, if I had to truly be honest with myself, they were not working for me. They were not yielding the results I desired. You may ask “what are these basics?” Well allow me to share, they are very simple and to others they may even seem too cliche.

I recall that I would always talk to God about literally everything and I lived my life simply believing that all things will work out for my good. Whether I was addressing a crowd or one person I always spoke from my heart as opposed to speaking from my head. When you speak from your head you often speak intellect and what you think people around you want to hear and sometimes you are not always authentic. I didn’t censor myself too much by making sure that I use bombastic words, I was simple and genuine.

When I did something I was numb to the applause of those around me. My joy & motive was simply passion and love. I really enjoyed every moment with every person in my life. I’m in a space where I am reinforcing most of these basics again in my life.

What are your basics? We all have simple habits that we adopted that made us successful at the things we love doing. I think as we begin 2017 we need to rethink certain basics in our lives.  To me, the concept of back to basics is going back to a place of sharpening the saw, a place of refueling when life gets too hectic and a place of reaffirmation about our purposes.

Life,

Have you clarified the WHY?

Written by Bongeka
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The terrible news of the passing away of one of South Africa’s most loved gospel artist, Sipho Ncwane, has left my heart shattered. The passing away of this young man has left South Africa and the rest of Africa in great mourning.

Social media and mass media at large have been flooded with messages and pictures of condolences. The more I think about this loss, the more I am filled with so many questions. I ask but “why did we have to lose him so soon? Had he accomplished everything he wanted to do? Had he really lived with the Why of his existence being fully clarified and fulfilled?”

In my moment of reflection, I recalled an interesting catch-up I had with my mentor earlier on and he posed a very good question to me. I was going on and on about the plans for the next phase of my life and he says to me; “Bongeka, I hear you but Why are you doing all this; Why are you so passionate about taking this opportunity?”

He then narrated to me, that as he drove to work that morning he posed the same question to himself. He began to really wonder and ask why he is a General Manager. And why he would want to be Managing Director as that seemed like the next in line position to occupy. He asked himself if this was really what he wanted and if this was part of his purpose?

He gave me an interesting analogy; he said that each day when I chose to live clarifying the “why” of my existence, is like building a house. He mentioned that the foundation has been laid already, and that foundation is the many years of my formal and informal education; my professional and personal experiences and my walk with the Lord.

This next phase of my life is just laying bricks on another corner of the house. I could be right now in a season where I have laid the bricks half way, and the house is close to completion. Every day when I live with the understanding of the “why” and taking action towards fulfilling the “why” of my existence, I am closer to finishing that house.

I am glad to say the “why” of my existence has become clearer over the years as I have sought to live a purpose driven life. I am so at peace because, I understand “why” I am on this earth for. This feeling is both liberating and overwhelming. The latter ensures that I wake up every day knowing that I cannot afford to be idle because, I have an important part to play in my generation.

Sometimes we can be so busy just being busy but, not really understanding how every activity that we embark on plays a significant role in shaping the “why” of our existence. Have you clarified the why of your existence?

 

Life,

Becoming a Steward…

Written by Bongeka
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A friend of mine recently borrowed me something of theirs, and you could swear I had gold or a precious ruby stone. I was so amazed at how I took care of it and I actually laughed at myself, and wondered why I don’t always handle things in my own life that way.

I reflected on this and I began to think of how differently life would be if we had the mind-set of a steward. Now in our modern times, we don’t often understand what it means to be a steward because our society is highly individualistic. It is unlike the olden days; where stewardship was a part and parcel of the society. In a simple definition… Stewardship is: “…the position and duties of a steward, a person who acts as the surrogate of another or others, especially by managing property, financial affairs, an estate, etc.”

OR

 …”the responsible overseeing and protection of something considered worth caring for and preserving.”  http://www.dictionary.com/browse/stewardship.

In a nutshell, Stewardship is recognizing that we are simply administrators or managers of everything before us, and actually God owns everything, we are just acting on his behalf.

Perhaps one of the reasons we falter in modern times, in terms of how we handle our gifts; skills; relationships; finances; businesses; careers; leadership roles; etc. is that we have not come to the understanding that, what we have is not really ours but it is “borrowed”.

I believe if we had the “stewardship consciousness” we will handle things a little bit better. People who have a mentality that they are simply vessels or servants never abuse power or resources.

My enjoy life tip is this: Think about your own life, are you living with a stewardship consciousness?

 

Life,

Role model…but why?

Written by Bongeka
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I was watching the national lottery show and a particular rapper, who recently rose to fame in South Africa was on. And of course he had that rapper swag thing going on wearing his sunglasses in studio. At the end of the show they asked him to say a message to encourage the youth as a role model.  “Ah! Fascinating stuff I thought to myself”. It wasn’t what he said that fascinated me because honestly I don’t remember much of what he said…

What fascinated me was the thought of how society overly admires people in the media (actors, singers, soccer players, televangelist, etc.) sometimes even boarding on the bridge of “worship”.

I remember watching Michael Jackson concerts and Justin Bieber concerts and marvelled at the millions of women shedding floods of tears even to a point where some of them would collapse out of sheer excitement.

It’s so amazing how we place so much emphasis on famous people to a point that if they make a mistake (which they entitled to make as human beings) the world is shattered.

The one question that I have always asked is, yes we love them and yes they are great at what they do, but, why the exalted status of being deemed role models?

Is it because we see them through the lens of the “electric box” that they are deemed role models?  Are we not responsible for creating “false realities” with our young people? We have fed them the notion that they should only look to be like the people they see on their television screens.

It’s true that most of the people we see on our television screens are doing the things they love, but at the end of the day, they are also “working” for their bread and butter just like the rest of us. We have millions of ordinary men and women who make significant contributions to society and most of them, the world would never know. Now don’t get me wrong, I really love some famous people as well and I celebrate them, but, when someone makes a mistake I don’t live my life shattered because I acknowledge that everyone is playing their part in this lifetime.

I really think we should rethink the concept of excessively exalting famous people to being role models and I think it’s time that we all acknowledge that somehow everyone is a role model to somebody and that we all ought to live our lives with a consciousness that whatever we do in life we are passing the baton for the continual development of humanity.

 

Life

It’s OK to say: “I don’t know”

Written by Bongeka
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We live in a world that only seems to accept us based on what we can offer. I have suffered with this issue throughout all my life. I’ve always felt the overwhelming need to have an opinion about something, be it the latest news on education, entertainment, politics or spirituality. Whenever I didn’t know the answer to a question or didn’t have a viewpoint about something, I felt as if I was neither smart nor worthy. I then went on the “I’ll act as if I know everything” journey, which meant I fell into the trap of talking too much.

I wanted to be seen as someone who was well informed and relevant. But what people didn’t know was that I was trapped inside that image you know, that voice you hear from your core that says “You’re not being true to yourself”. I remember praying for direction and feeling God replying: “Bongeka, it’s OK not to have an opinion or talk about matters you know nothing about”.

I wish I could fully express how liberating it was to realise that it was fine for me to simply say: “I don’t know.” Recently a senior colleague sent an alarming email before an important meeting, insisting that every attendee should prepare no fewer than three questions to ask.

It’s amazing how society tries to box us in so that we all act the same. This begins early in our life journeys: if you speak out more than others in class, you’re considered smarter. The pressure rises from a low boiling point to blazing hot when you enter the corporate world.

We’ve all heard the saying: “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Actually, there is- usually asked by people who simply want to be heard. The pressure to always sound well read, informed and intelligent is a daily challenge. But I’ve realised this truth: if my motive for saying something isn’t right, I might as well shut up.

My enjoy life tip is this: Here’s my advice to everyone reading this- next time you feel overwhelming pressure to open your mouth and speak, first ask yourself: What’s  my real motive?” Only thoughts that genuinely offer ideas, solutions or healing should be uttered. I’ve made up my mind that I won’t comprise my heart or dignity any more. I sleep lighter now knowing that I’m more genuine in all the meetings I attend and that when I contribute, I do so from a place of peace.

This article is featured in the  2016 September issue of Destiny Magazine.

Life,

Don’t change routes- Just pass the truck!

Written by Bongeka
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There are two things that really get on my nerves- A dripping tap and traffic!

A dripping tap just makes me think of the millions of people in the world without access to water and traffic on the other hand makes me want to pull my hair as I always feel like I am wasting precious time. I’m sure most of us can relate with the latter- right?

A couple of months ago I was stuck in traffic and I decided to change routes so that I can get to my destination in time. To my dismay the route I changed to was worse than the one I had been in. I ended up being stuck for about 2 hours. A week later as I was heading to a friend’s place, I found myself stuck in horrible traffic again. This time around though I decided let me be a bit patient and not change routes.

What a great decision this was! I was stalled for just about 5 minutes and after that the traffic began to flow smoothly. Turns out, there was truck that had broken down in the middle of the road and after I passed that truck I was home free.

I was so happy as I was driving on the open road that I began to draw a lesson from this. I ended up asking myself what would happen in life if we were just patient enough to see our dreams come true and not give up because of the “traffic”.

My enjoy life tip is this – Just because there is an obstacle in front of you, it does not mean give up! Maybe life is teaching you one of the greatest virtues and that is patience. And if you do find yourself in traffic any time soon, take time to enjoy yourself, put on some good music, talk yourself happy and enjoy life.

Life,

Why lose your sleep? It always works out eventually…

Written by Bongeka
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One Sunday afternoon I was cosy in bed and having a really great conversation over the phone with a friend of mine. I had my laptop on my lap and my external hard drive connected to my laptop. We were on the phone for almost an hour and my phone battery became very low. Since I didn’t want to end our great conversation, I reached for my charger in my bag next to my bed but as I was reaching for my charger, my laptop slipped to the floor and my external hard-drive flung and smashed my screen. Now me being Zulu I exclaimed “hawe ma” which is an exaggeration in my language and just simply means “oh my goodness”

My friend on the line asked what’s wrong. I told him and he simply said with great calmness, “you know it’s going to be alright right” I said yeah rolling my eyes and thought to myself “easy for you to say”. But actually he was right. When I prayed that night I thought to myself life is really interesting, the most unexpected things can just happen to you.

I began asking myself in the midst of my panic should I really lose my sleep over this? Now my panic was not me necessarily overreacting, but it was born out of the fact that this was my work laptop and this unfortunate accident happened over the weekend and we all know how people at work love to talk!

The next day I went to our IT department and they quickly offered a solution that calmed my nerves down. My laptop screen took about 10 days to get fixed due to internal processes that had to be followed. But thankfully during those 10 days I connected my laptop to an external monitor and I managed to do all that was required of me that week.

My enjoy life tip is ,life is so unpredictable. Your brand new car that you just purchased can get bumped by another car; your favourite item of clothing can get torn; you may make a bad decision in your business or job, the list of “blunders” is endless.

But truth is you never stay in the same situation forever! Eventually insurance will fix that car; you will buy new clothes and you will eventually come to the right decision. Don’t lose your joy over something that will change eventually…as some old wise men once said “…and this too shall pass”

Life,