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Things I’ve learned in the past 10 months…

Written by Bongeka
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The year 2017 is ending soon and a few days ago I was having one of my reflection episodes. Reflection is so powerful because it enables me to focus my mind on being grateful and progressive. I know some may ask, why not do the yearly reflection right at the end of 2017. I keep realising that we don’t know what tomorrow holds and as people we live as if we are immortal, but we not. Every moment that we have an opportunity to see a new day is truly a gift from God.

A few people close to me know the details of how 2017 started for me…it’s been one heck of a year! Full of surprises, both good and bad. But I must say this is truly one of the best years of my life…I have grown more in 2017 than the previous past two years. So, I’ve learned a few things along the way and I just wanted to share some of those things here…so here goes my list:

  1. God is my provider truly and NOT my job. I will write another piece someday just on this point alone!
  2. Tough situations always work out for Good – Just pray, laugh and rest.
  3. When days are dark, your true friends shine through!
  4. Have more than 3 good friends (you can send me a private message on this one and I will expand further ?).
  5. Family will always open their arms to you…the saying is true “there is no place like home”. Enjoy every moment with your parents, siblings & some relatives. Life is too short don’t spend it with people who don’t love you like your family does.
  6. Not everyone is going to be patient to see your dreams through with you, and that’s OKAY.
  7. Life will not ALWAYS go according to plan…but that does not mean give up!
  8. I didn’t know this about myself but, I AM a risk taker and I love it!
  9. Invest at least 30 minutes a week working towards something you love. If it means sending emails for opportunities, attending workshops, researching, reading up, strategizing etc.
  10. Have FAITH! Just believe! Trust in God and you will experience “crazy” peace even when things are falling apart in your life.
  11. Have shameless persistence! Knock on doors even if you keep receiving no’s/declines…one door will eventually open.
  12. When an opportunity to travel anywhere arises grab it! Travelling will change your life for good…
  13. Savings! Savings! Save a significant portion of your income so that should you be out of a job, your savings can carry you for a year of unemployment.
  14. If I have not bought my house and car cash, it’s not really mine…If I lost a job and every asset that I have is at risk of being taken/repossessed, I am not financially free.
Life,

It always seems like death has won…

Written by Bongeka
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The last couple of days have been filled with great sadness. My beautiful cousin passed away last week and this weekend we laid her to rest in a dignified ceremony. As the different speakers came to share insights about her life, one after the other they echoed similar sentiments about how she lived her life to the ultimate fullest. It was as if she knew her time would be limited. Her beauty was an absolute gift. I always used to say to some people when they would make comments and offer to rate who in their opinions was the most beautiful women in the country. And I remember I would say ‘wait until you meet my cousin’. She is/was undoubtedly maybe in the top 5 of the most beautiful women in the world. And trust me I’m not exaggerating; other people can confirm this statement. When she entered a room or any gathering you couldn’t help but notice her, it was like she became the very light of that space….

I think more than anything, my cousin’s passing really shocked the whole world because her death was so sudden. There was no warning in a sense that she was not sick, in fact she was young and so full of life. Her death remains a mystery that I have chosen to make peace with.

She has been on my mind from the first time I heard she is gone and I know it sounds silly but I keep thinking this is one big dream and we will all wake up from it soon. It’s truly unbelievable, it just does not make any sense…

I know many people who have lost loved ones will probably relate to the mixed emotions one encounters of confusion, pain, anger etc…

In my solitude, I kept asking the Lord, ‘why her?’ ‘why did she have to die so suddenly?’ ‘why God?’ and for an entire week those questions kept consistent in my mind…

I started panicking and having a sense of fear of what would happen if I suddenly lost the people I love the most…in my mind I think I will not be able to survive. On Monday God spoke to me and I heard in my heart, “remember the words TD Jakes spoke at Whitney Houston’s funeral?” Immediately I went on to listen to the recording again and I love the words TD Jakes echoed and he said, “In moments like this it feels like death has won but the Bible says Love is stronger than death…”

And he goes on to make examples of great individuals who did great and extraordinary things but who eventually died. But his rendition was, death is just a transition from this life to the next. Though we may lose our loved ones outwardly, we never lose them inwardly. They will be a part of us if we keep their memories of the amazing times we had with them alive…they are the very image of love and God is love. Love can never die…so we can always live with the conviction that though it may seem like death has won…it can never win because Love is stronger and Love has conquered death. These words gave me strength to make peace with my cousin’s passing. This is the truth I choose to believe and I choose to see life and death through the lens of LOVE.

*This article is dedicated to all our loved ones who have passed on. They will forever remain in our hearts…*

Life,

Lessons that touched me at the Leaderex conference…

Written by Bongeka
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I was so excited to receive an invite for the Leaderex conference. I had no idea that my encouragement and clarity of life’s journey would come from the various nuggets of wisdom the speakers I listened to shared. The profoundness of what was shared was not anything new, but they reminded me of simple life changing truths I had forgotten and shared new insights on ordinary concepts. Allow me to care and share with you my interpretation some of the nuggets below:

  • At school, we are taught how to read, write, comprehend etc, but we have not been taught to listen well. Some of the biggest issues in relationships whether personal or in the work space stem from a lack of active listening.
  • Question to leaders – do you listen to allow your team to solve their own problems or do you listen to give a quick solution? The speaker mentioned that sometimes when you listen intently and deeply to someone you will notice that the wisdom they need to solve their own problems is within them and it will come out. This reminded me of the proverb that says, “Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.” Proverbs 20:5-7 (NLT).
  • We cannot seek to address the social issues of the marginalised population sitting in big city conference centres and boardrooms. That’s like providing a prescription/medication for a problem you have not thoroughly diagnosed. We ought to co-create solutions with those we are attempting to help.
  • We live in a world where everyone wants to be right, but not everyone wants to be understanding of other people’s views. We all should understand that the world is filled with different kinds of people and they all have a right to live because the creator deems it fit.
  • If you are the leader of your business – continuously communicate your vision with your team. Don’t assume that since you have mentioned it before and it burns in you that everyone else is on the same page.
  • The relevance of the MBA? MBAs are very useful but you need to know what to get out of it. An MBA should not be used as a token of status but rather as an effective tool in shaping your business idea.
  • Wisdom is all around us – Sometimes you don’t have to reinvent the wheel; we can learn from the different business models who have made it to build a successful empire.
  • Choose your business partners very carefully – make sure there is vison alignment with the partners otherwise your vision will be “contaminated”.
  • When you start something, don’t expect perfection in the beginning. Start with enough and other things will become clearer and better as you go along.
  • Focus – know what you are pursuing, there will be other people who will want to add to what your dream should be, but be unrelenting in your pursuits.
  • Prepare to learn about yourself, the good and the bad stuff and be okay that it’s part of your daily life walk.
  • You should keep learning, its hard but not learning and growing is dangerous.
  • To keep learning, you must be comfortable with failure. How you handle failure determines how successful you become.
  • Have shameless persistence – keep knocking on doors, don’t give up.
  • Story telling is an underestimated, but effective communication mechanism. In fact, story telling should be default for communication as the things people remember the most are things told in stories.

Hope you find these nuggets useful…let me know your thoughts?

Life,

At some point we all have to ‘do our time’…

Written by Bongeka
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I’m sure you can agree with me that most of us have heard the phrase “doing time” or “do your time” being uttered as part of popular culture lingo. The phrase “doing time” is slang for spending time in a jail or prison (http://onlineslangdictionary.com). I was reading one of my favourite women magazines a while back and I was particularly touched by the stories of the extraordinary women who had graced their cover for that month. I think what touched me the most was the depth of their characters and the wisdom they all shared. I also, kind of felt a little guilty after reading their stories because initially I had judged them by their outward appearance. Before I read their stories I just thought they seemed too perfect. They are absolutely beautiful, they have perfect bodies and one of them had graced our television screens for many years before going into business. Now here they were, being interviewed to share about the great business empire they had built and are continuing to build and what trials they had encountered. I was particularly touched by the main founder’s story, as so many of its elements spoke to my personal journey towards fulfilling my destiny. Even the alone conversations she had when she had failed in one of her first business ventures sounded so much like mine. But after reading the entire feature, a faith filled up in me that said, “You will also fulfil your purpose but you’ve got to do your time first”.

Ladies and gentlemen, their story is obviously no different from many people we know who have faced trial after trial in their pursuit to fulfil what they believe is their purpose. I know in popular culture lingo the term “doing time” specifically refers to going to prison. But as I was contemplating on the journey of trials which all human beings encounter, I couldn’t help but think that we all at some point in our lives are going to “do time”.  I’ve only been on this earth for 28 years, I know they are people who have been here longer, but in these few years of my existence and based on the observations and conversations I’ve had, I see life unfold in a particular trend. There will be a period where you will engage in all that you were socialised to do (e.g. completed school, got a degree, got a job, got married, bought car/house etc.), the list is endless. These are the things that are considered social norms and we all meant to partake in them at some point. As you are living within these social norms, you may encounter a period where you begin to feel a bit uneasy on the inside of you. It’s that very subtle but persistent voice that just won’t leave you alone. You hear a whisper that there’s more to my life and when you zoom into the “more” and realise what you should be doing, you come alive. The discomfort part will lead to you taking crazy life risks like quitting your job, relocating, removing yourself from certain people & environments, etc.

As you journey through life, trying to balance out the social norms and listening to that inner voice, you will encounter a period where life will ‘imprison’ you with challenges and you have to “do your time”. This is where you experience a “real baptism of fire”. This is the period where the voice that told you there’s more to your life and showed you great visions of the future, is silent. The trials come from every angle, it’s the most confusing period and when you in it, it seems like it will last forever. But the good news is there is always light at the end of each tunnel. And of course the amazing thing about life is that you will enjoy and be rewarded the fruit of your persistence.

I am aware that life is not static and I am not saying that all human experiences will be the same, but in most ways they are very similar. Our social upbringing, does not prepare us well for trials, obstacles and failure and yet, these are such an inevitable part of our lives. Maybe instead of only attending conferences on Entrepreneurship, Leadership, Project Management, etc…We should pair these conferences with tangible truths on learning how to fail well. This should start from the time we children, because our education system is built on the premise that you always have to pass and that if you fail, that failure becomes ingrained as part of your self-worth.

My enjoy life tip is this – We need to live with consciousness that “doing our time” i.e. going through the journey of our individual trials and challenges is part of our human right. I know it’s not an easy thing as even in my own life waiting for God hasn’t been easy, often it seems that he isn’t answering our prayers or doesn’t understand the urgency of our situation. But maybe when we in our “doing time” period we should realise that this is a season of renewal, refreshing and reaffirmation about our life purpose. So do your time well…

Life, ,

Behind the Scenes

Written by Bongeka
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I was watching the repeat of the BET Awards recently and one of the award categories that really got my attention was the life time achievement award; awarded to Samuel L. Jackson. I’ve noticed a similar trend at these prestigious award ceremonies, i.e. when most of the awardees come on stage and they have to render a speech, they usually are quick to mention a lot of people who actually played an integral role in their success that most of us are not even aware of.

Samuel L. Jackson was no different, as he was giving thanks he mentioned the following roles; His Manager, Agent, Accountants, Publicist, Wife, Aunt and echoed that if it wasn’t for these people he would not be on that stage receiving a lifetime achievement award. This really got me thinking of this whole behind the scenes concept. The concept of behind the scenes simply means “being or working out of public view or in secret. It may also mean working without receiving credit or fame.”

I think individuals in the entertainment industry have a great deal of appreciation for the work that goes behind the scenes. We know that what we see on screen; be it our favourite movie; or TV series; or documentary, is only a fraction of what actually goes on to ensure that we enjoy what we watch.

This also triggered what my friend shared with me recently. He mentioned that he received this really amazing opportunity because one of his ex–colleagues referred him. I just thought to myself as he was narrating his story, ‘Bongeka just rest’. Don’t get me wrong, we still need to put in the effort and work hard but a lot of things are really beyond our control. I am led to believe that God is a master of ‘behind the scenes’. There are a lot of things that have happened in my life that I was not actively pursuing or going for and yet found out later that God was the puppet master, ensuring that I met with the right person at just the right time.

There is a peace we must live with of knowing we may not see it, but there are things unfolding behind the scenes. Find encouragement in knowing that somehow there are positive changes that will come into your life and in many instances you will not see it because your vision is limited to the physical, but know this; there is a powerful force behind the scenes.

Life

Hospitality is a special touch…

Written by Bongeka
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I was listening to a dear sister share about how her mum had these special plates and mugs which were never used by them. Her mum insisted that those plates and mugs were only to be used if really special guests came over. I just laughed as she shared this as I can relate so much and I actually think most people would also relate. When we were younger my siblings and I dreaded the thought of having a guest over. We would not sleep the night before because mum made sure that we scrubbed the house like crazy; she took out all her new linen and towels for the guest to use. And of course the special plates, glasses and cutlery which we never touch would come out of storage. When I got older I understood better why mum did these things, she was trying to instil in us the concept of being hospitable.

I take my hat off for the individuals who saw a business opportunity in hospitality because the practice itself has always existed as part of human culture throughout the world. The industry dates back to ancient Greek times and even before that. It was about this time that Greeks came up with thermal baths that were designed for recuperation and relaxation. These thermal baths are said to be the origin of what we know as a modern day spa.

The first hotel that was established was Koshu Nishiyama in Japan which is said to be over 1300 years old. The hotel is still in operation till this day and has been run by the same family for several generations. The hospitability industry is a multi-trillion dollar industry and has been a great catalyst in making our world a global village. The word hospitality is an adaptation of the French word ‘hospice’ and was adapted to form the word ‘hospitality’ that means taking care of the travellers. Hospitality in its core is about taking care, pampering and helping (www.GlobalHospitalityPortal.co.za).

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this as I appreciate how hospitable my friends and family have been towards me. This made me realise that in the human heart there is a burning desire to be treated in a hospitable way. My faith is fundamentally rooted in servitude. I have a hospitality remembrance diary in my heart…these are all the people who opened their homes and hearts to me. Most of them I’m sure don’t know the extent of how they impacted my life…but I pray for them, I treasure them and I hope to be able to bless their lives.

Maya Angelou put it best when she said “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel”.

Life,

Come on people, It’s just me…

Written by Bongeka
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There’s something very interesting when a person of influence remarks ‘come on people, it’s just me’. Those words are a form of humility because when unpacked further, I believe the person is simply saying, ‘there is no need to treat me any differently, I just want the same treatment as everyone’.

My eyes were actually opened about this when I was watching an interview with a very popular music producer and DJ. He said some very powerful things to the talk show host which I believe were great nuggets of wisdom. He echoed that when his with people and sometimes people he grew around, and they just chilling, people will be shocked at how normal he is.

Shocked by their reaction, he would ask ‘what’s up?’ and they would respond to say ‘dude you are so and so, you are super successful’ and he would simply say ‘come on guys, it’s just me’.

I think his response is also tightly linked to his secret for success. He shared that when he creates and produces music he does so as a fan. He doesn’t create it with the objective of selling it to other people. His success stems from his love, it’s not only his fans that enjoy his music, but when he listens to it, he loves what he hears. It kind of cements that cliché we have all heard “do what you love and you will never have to work another day in your life.”

Carrying on with the ‘it’s just me’ undertone, he also mentioned that when he meets people and they get to know him, they always say ‘wow, you are so humble’ or when the media writes about him, they often echo that he is so successful and yet so humble. He said that they make it seem like; if he wasn’t as successful it wouldn’t matter that he is humble or not.

I really love that, because people often over-emphasise about how the influential need to be humble and for the rest of us it’s like well, it’s not that important. What keeps you humble is when you begin to separate what you do with who you are. We are obsessed with ‘making it big’ but there are many valuable lessons we can learn from the people who we perceive have made it big.

I was reminded about what my friend said when we were conceptualising PenTheVision, he asked ‘what do you want the blog to be about?’ And I kept saying ‘I, I, I’ and he said ‘remember, it’s not just about you, it’s about serving those that will read this’. I’m not completely there yet, but I try by all means to apply his advice when I sit down to pen the columns.

I observe people around me, I listen in on conversations and I share thoughts about what I believe people would love to read about and of course I write in a way that I know would enjoy reading.

The heart of the matter is this; I believe that when we have ‘it’s just me’ engraved in our hearts, it keeps us humble and we are fully able to spread kindness. Kindness doesn’t have to be huge; like giving someone money. But it can be as small as being fully present and listening when a person wants to share something, it could even be a really warm and sincere smile.

How many of us when we are in a position where we on the spot light and are constantly praised can simply say “come on people, it’s just me”.

Life,

My hands are chained but I wear the signet ring…

Written by Bongeka
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Many people across the world today enjoy the luxury of wearing signet rings as part of their jewellery items but most of us don’t know how this piece of jewellery once had a very powerful purpose in history.

Allow me to share a brief history on the signet ring as documented by The Regency Redingote blog and the History1700 website. The signet ring was widely used by Kings, rulers and religious leaders as a symbol on documents or a seal on a doorway. When someone saw the mark of the King, it proved authenticity (www.history1700s.com). This was long before the art of writing was widespread and it was still necessary to mark royal proclamations and legal documents to authenticate correspondence. Because these emblems were a symbol of the power and authority of their owner, and because they were indispensable to commerce they were most often made a ring. In this form, the owner could keep his identifying symbol safely under his control and readily available on his finger. Signet rings also became the practice to hand the signet ring down from father to son, through the generations. There were also occasions when a signet ring had to be destroyed after the death of its owner to ensure the authority it represented was terminated. Another interesting factor was that the person wearing the ring was free to wear his signet ring on any hand or finger which suited him, or on which it would fit. The only important point was that he wore it (https://regencyredingote.wordpress.com).

I started wondering what would happen if a King or a Ruler was captured or conquered by another nation and had his hands and feet chained. In that context, I presume that the signet ring was ineffective but, I stand to be corrected. It’s sad right that such an elaborate and powerful symbol could be rendered ineffective if one was chained.

When I relate this back in our own modern context I often think that one of the most crippling things that I have witnessed and have gone through myself is having a great title but no authority. The danger of having a title without authority is that it renders you ineffective. You are unable to implement new things; your creativity is stifled and you constantly live in fear of what your superior will say. Sometimes you observe your superior making grave mistakes and according to the description on paper of your title you are allowed to challenge that, but in reality, you hold no authority. I don’t ever want to be in that situation in my life and I never want anyone to experience that.

I read the following words in a book I was reading recently and these words were said by the legendary Nelson Mandela as a warning to his successor Thabo Mbeki. He said “One of the temptations of a leader who has been elected unopposed is that he may use his powerful position to settle scores with his detractors, marginalise them and in certain cases get rid of them and surround himself with yes-men and yes-women”  (Extract taken from God, Spies and Lies page 391-392). Oh, how I wish the current leaders in our democracy will hearken to the advice of this great leader.

We must be careful as leaders in every faction that we don’t raise a generation of distinguished intellectuals who will just be yes Sir and yes Ma’am followers. I love what Steve Jobs once said: “It doesn’t make sense to hire smart people and then tell them what to do; we hire smart people so they can tell us what to do.” If you are in a position where you lead people, please ensure that their titles carry weight i.e. they are empowered to make decisions without fear.

An even graver mistake is when leaders give authority to foolish people but that’s a story for another day, my friend.

Life,

Poem – No one ever tells you…

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No one ever tells you that the transitioning process from where you are to where you want to be can be so painful; so lonely sometimes and so confusing.

No one ever tells you that there are days when you question why you took a leap of faith in the first place, when you experience situations that cause you pain and opposition from those closest to your heart.

No one ever tells you just how really difficult the journey to your purpose is. Sometimes the questions you ask is…was this really worth me giving up my comfort? At least in my comfort I didn’t encounter such pain or I could deal with some of this pain.

No one ever tells you that there will be moments where you beg God to take you in your sleep because you felt like the transitioning pain was too much. To your surprise, you find yourself alive the next morning and you say to the Lord…I’m still here! Clearly you want me alive for a reason. Forgive me lord for my foolish request. Thank you for the gift of life. But Father I ask, how am I going to live through this and actually succeed?

No one ever tells you that the passion will be there but not the strength.

No one ever tells you that the opposition will be much; because it comes from those you love the most. How do you fully become yourself and conquer the world when you have failures and struggles in your own nesting place. How do you become Superman or Superwoman after defeating words been uttered to you?

But even if no one ever tells you…Just know God has already secured your amazing future, so despite everything that challenges you, know this one fundamental truth. The Lord has a great plan for your life and that plan will make you whole. So face your future with renewed hope because it’s going to be glorious.

 

Life, ,

Vow to listen…

Written by Bongeka
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I was watching an interesting talk show and the guest that day happened to be Wole Sonyika. I think when we think of Africans who have elevated the status of our continent, Wole Sonyika’s name features amongst the great. Sonyika is a legendary Nigerian playwright and poet. He was awarded the 1986 Nobel Prize in literature, the first African to be honoured in that category. The talk show host asked him quite a few interesting questions and his responses were also quite ingenious, obviously not shocking coming from a writer/artist.

But, there was one question that really stood out for me. She asked, ‘Sir, what did you learn from your childhood that has shaped you to be the man that you are today’. He sighed and paused for a while and then said “I spent a lot of my time with adults and around adults, just listening. I was fascinated by the discussions of my elders and that began to shape the way I viewed the world, so yes, listening”. He further went on to echo that it’s very important that people listen and reflect.

I immediately started connecting the dots in my mind recalling a conversation I had with one of my friends. We often raised our concerns about corporate and especially corporate meetings. We noticed that people don’t like listening in meetings. Most people just want to comment and not really listen. What we observed is that some of the comments were a repetition of what someone else had already said, the only difference is they were uttered in bourgeois English. Other comments derailed from the objective of the session.

Sometimes you would witness those characters who like cutting people in the middle of their presentations. If you are a person who prefers to listen attentively so that you completely in tuned with the subject matter and understand what your role is post the meeting, you struggle internally in meetings. There is this unwritten pressure/rule that you just have to say something in a meeting so that you can be seen as someone who is engaged and alert.

I think of my own life, in instances where I have listened I have done a great job. We all fall into the trap of not listening but just hearing. Listening is an effort to not only hear what is being said but listening ensures you analyse and engage with the information you hearing.

I love the scripture that says “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Great listening is a gift. I admire people who really do a lot of listening. I know in my life I have a few of those people and I must say the people who are great listeners are quiet brilliant and full of great wisdom.

As Paul Sloane also said…”Great conversationalists are great listeners. Also, when you listen you learn. When you are speaking you are not learning anything new. Make a conscious effort to focus on what people say. Show that you are interested by asking questions that support and develop the conversation; ‘What do you mean exactly?’, ‘What happened next?’, ‘How did you feel about that?”.  (http://www.lifehack.org)

My enjoy life tip is this- if you really want to make a lasting impact in your business, in your industry and in your relationships, please take a vow to listen more. I Bongeka vow to listen.

Life,