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We the people!

Written by Bongeka
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A few weeks ago, I was invited to attend an Immigration Seminar (just in case you are wondering- lol, no I don’t want to immigrate- just curiosity got me there!) anyway, I arrived thinking it will be a small seminar room. Boom, I enter, it was one of those massive conference rooms in the hotel, packed to its fullest capacity.

The first thing that shocked me, was the diversity in the room – meaning different races, genders and ages were present. I always assumed, based on passed observations that it was old white people who would want to immigrate and leave the country. This happened a lot in the days prior to 1994 and the early years after 1994. This was due to uncertainty around what the “new democratic South Africa” would bring.

As I listened to the speaker, who was so eloquent in his explanation of the migration process, I was particularly drawn to two interesting statements he made. He said, “I want you to bear in mind that South Africa is like any first world country, the only difference is that there are still some developing world issues. People in this nation leave the country hoping for something better, but there are no guarantees in country X and Y.”

 “Migration is always a compromise, there is always something you will gain and something you lose.”

I sensed a bit of un-comfort in the room when he made those statements, but people soon shared sentiments that, it’s a risk they willing to take. The gentlemen sitting next to me, a black man in his late thirties I assume, said to me “You know sisi, truly speaking I love this country, but recently I got retrenched and have been struggling to find work. I am here because country Y looks very promising.  I started my own business last month and have been seeking funding assistance from the government, if nothing changes in 3 months, sadly I will leave and immigrate to country Y.”

As I sat there listening and hearing the sentiments of why people wanted to leave the country, I was truly overwhelmed. I know there are a lot of things South Africans are unhappy about, to name a few, corruption in government, crime, poverty, unemployment, high cost of living etc. I always hear people complain, in fact I get annoyed when people complain about South Africa. In my mind, I reason that South Africa is not perfect, we acknowledge that. But no country is perfect. In many ways South Africa, has a lot of good things and she has opened her arms to millions of people who are not citizens of the land.

I think being in that room and hearing some of the real struggles that people are going through- got me thinking about whether democracy is not just a “feel good” “sound good” word on a page.

The United States and South African constitution preambles are very similar. The first sentence of the United States constitution reads “We the People” and the first sentence of the South African constitution reads “We, the people of South Africa”. I am highlighting these two constitutions because they have been applauded as the most progressive constitutions in the world. Both nations claim to uphold the highest forms of human rights and democracy. But we know that there seems to be a mismatch between this ideal and the realities of these nations.

The whole premise of “We the people” bestows power to the people of the land. These words advocate that it is the People who govern the land and the laws of the land should favor its people, thereby entrenching Human Rights in all factions of society.

 If this is our constitutional foundation, why are so many people in this nation feeling disgruntled?

How do We,the people of South Africa,ensure that we don’t surrender all power to the Government in bringing about the change we want to witness in the land?

History has taught us that civil rights movements are very effective in bringing about social change. Real difference making doesn’t have to be big and complex, it starts small. Wherever you find yourself able to influence, please do so. If we all embrace the ideology of “We the people”, we, can start slowly but surely reclaiming this nation. You have the power, use it. I am saying to the people of South Africa, let us begin to engage in constructive dialogues on how we can make our country the glorious rainbow nation it was meant to be.

Image courtesy: https://graphitepublications.com

Nation Building, ,

What legacy are you leaving behind?

Written by Sli Chonco
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July has been dubbed Mandela month in honour of South Africa’s first democratically elected president (before you yawn, this post is not about him). On the 18thof July every year,  67minutes are dedicated to charity work to continue with his philanthropic spirit, one of the many legacies he left behind. *sidenote* July is also savings month so get to saving that moola!

I have a 5yr old brat (daughter actually but if you stay with her long enough, you will understand my term of endearment). I’m constantly thinking about what legacy I will leave behind for her and her offspring. This refers to the beliefs, traditions, morals, teachings and traits that will be embedded in her for life. I ask myself- what generational wealth am I leaving? (because wealth could be money, wisdom, life skills, etc, the list goes on but we tend to think it’s only monetary).

FYI: The learned peeps define legacy as “something acquired by inheritance” which is passed down from period of time to another period of time. Had to throw the definition in there since the owner of the blog is an academic!

I think we take for granted the impact our deeds have on the people around us. We take for granted how certain actions can alter not just our lives but generations to come. Little story, my maternal grandad is a self-made man, in every sense of the word. He didn’t complete his formal education (that being high school, his kids think he didn’t finish primary *shrugs*) and he sold peanuts and drove taxis amongst other things to make money. Met my granny and she would save a little money every month and eventually he had enough to buy a taxi and the rest is history. However I think due to his lack of education, he made it a point that his kids, the whole soccer team and reserves completed high school as well as an undergraduate degree (those available at that time to the owners of the land *wink*). They in turn also drilled down the need for education in one’s life and I can attest that as the third generation we are investing in the quality of education we want our kids to have.

My value of education has me dreaming of opening several libraries and science labs in our community schools, I’ll ask you to contribute on another post! However (really wanted to use “but” kodwa ke) it wasn’t only education that was passed on, but also being frugal with money and a proper kick-ass work ethic. It’s those intangible legacies that I am most grateful for. It’s those legacies amongst others that I want my child to know, understand and live out, even while I’m still alive. In reality, a legacy is a powerful life tool that is passed on.

So, next time when we think of legacy or generational wealth, let’s broaden that to beliefs, morals, traditions, roots and not just a trust fund or a holiday house in Stellenbosch (anything to be close to the wine!). Let our offspring inherit the compass that helps them navigate life. I would love for my kid to say “mom left me with a financial inheritance but the greatest inheritance she gave me was knowing the Lord”

So as I close off with a quote (I’m not sure by who, found it on google) “Everyone leaves behind a legacy after they die, but only few people leave behind a legacy worth talking about”

Make yours one where people smile when they reminisce on it.

Image courtesy of: Summitlife.org

 

About the Writer:

Silindokuhle Chonco is a Management Advisor/ unofficial Project Manager at eThekwini Metro Municipality. She is a lover of wine, life, shoes, pasta/starch and bags… and Phiwo the brat! Found God when she left religion.

Uncategorized, , ,

The Future is Collaboration!

Written by Bongeka
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I was privileged to be part of a 2 day strategic workshop,which my friend was facilitating. Below I penned some interesting insights I gathered from the workshop.

Firstly, I want to applaud the rare species of great leaders that I witnessed in that session. Great leaders are a rare species because; they recognise that taking time away for strategic thinking is a value add. Often when leaders issue a communication about a 1 day or 2 day strategic session, people murmur saying things like, “We going to lose a day or two days of work”. However, taking two days from the busyness of our daily jobs may look like time lost, but in hindsight that could be the greatest investment for our teams and the organisation.

I was reminded of an article by Dorie Clark “If Strategy Is So Important, Why Don’t We Make Time for It? (https://hbr.org/2018/06/if-strategy-is-so-important-why-dont-we-make-time-for-it). She quotes Derek Sivers (entrepreneur and author), and he says, “busy is what happens when you’re at the mercy of someone else’s schedule.” Sometimes organisational teams may feel like they are at the mercy of their Executives schedules or their client’s schedules. However, taking time to contribute to the strategic organisational journey, can make teams realise their importance in adding value towards their organisations.

In the same article, Dorie Clark, quotes, productivity expert David Allen saying, “You don’t need time to have a good idea, you need space…” The COO beautifully captured this thought in her opening remarks when she said to the team, “…in the past we felt like we were executing somebody else strategy, but today we have taken time to be away from the office so that we have an opportunity to define a strategy that we all buy into…”

I realise something beautiful about this team. When the Facilitator asked them to share their expectations of the workshop, they all mentioned simple and common things (e.g. ‘Plan of action – where we are going and how we get there?’, ‘How will we set ourselves apart from the competition?’).

This is beautiful because, when we come to strategic workshops, we must not look for a ‘unicorn’ but we must look for a ‘horse’. What do I mean by this? Well, when we come to this session looking for profound/rare ideas (unicorn) that will affect the aftermath of what we do with the profound/rare ideas. However, if we come seeking clarity on the ordinary/common (horse), our chances of success post the workshop are higher. I love the Tranxend Consulting slogan, it reads, “Execution is Everything” the common/ordinary ideas are what makes execution a reality. The real magic lies in what the team already knows and drawing that out in open and honest dialogue through the art of facilitation.

Secondly, based on the interesting conversations that took place at the strategic session, I believe that organisational growth is a voluntary process. Organisational growth is not an organic process, it comes through deliberate actions. Great teams make voluntary conscious decisions to commit to the process of growth. Transition is the higher order of change and in transition we recognise that the process of growth can be ‘messy’ and that’s okay. Often for things to be work, we first need time to take them part.

Lastly, I still believe that teams sharing ideas, collaboration in other words and facilitation are an absolute work of art. The real aha moment for me, was recognising that, though the room was filled with a couple of brilliant minds – everyone recognised that they need to commit to something bigger than their individual brilliance. This is synonymous with the characteristics of a growing organisation because a growing organisation encourages partnership with other people for the greater good. Reality is, the more the world becomes intertwined through Globalisation and Technological advancements, the more will be demanded from teams.

So contrary to popular predictions, I don’t think the future is only about the Digital Economy. I believe the edge we need to create great organisations lies with its people, thus I believe the world will also witness a move towards the Collaboration Economy.

 

Image courtesy of: https://medium.com

Wisdom,

Will you marry me? Well, can I sleep on it?

Written by Bongeka
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Of recent we have been flooded with a display of numerous marriage proposals on social media. I saw one recently on Instagram and I just had a thought. I don’t know whether the people who record the moment via video are told in advance, but I suppose so. The usual scene is; guy and girl are together in various types of settings. Then guy goes on one knee, takes out the ring, and pops the big question, “Will you marry me?” Girls vary in their responses, but the most usual responses are, girl in shock and excitement, puts hand on mouth and almost instantly after guy pops the big question, girl stretches hand towards guy as a sign of ‘I accept’ and says “Yes” on the spot!

I believe some of us have either been or have witnessed this scene sometime in our lifetime. I am sure you may be wondering ‘Bongeka, what’s the big deal with this?’ Well, let me share my thoughts and insights on this. I was reflecting on something else when I saw the marriage proposal on Instagram and I thought to myself it’s an interesting analogy I can draw from to make my point.

Recently a friend of mine asked me to help him with something and at first because of the ‘negative’ emotions I was feeling at the time, I nearly almost immediately gave him a response that was not thoughtful. But over the years I have learnt the power to say, “Let me sleep on it” even despite pressures from the external world to make an instant decision. Indeed after sleeping on it, I woke up, prayed, thought about it and re-looked at the situation with fresh eyes. I was able to fully apply my mind and see all the incredible benefits that the opportunity presented. If I had instantly responded when the request came, I would have regretted and missed the opportunity. The free dictionary describes ‘sleep on it’ or ‘sleeping on something’ as, “To postpone a decision until the following day so that one has additional time to consider it.” (https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/sleep+on+it)

There is such wisdom in actually “sleeping on it” before giving a response. I have consistently found that I make better decisions once I have slept and have had time to process things. But the pressure to say ‘Yes’ now and make instantaneous decisions is synonymous with our generation. Experts have deemed us the ‘instant gratification’ generation. We want things now and fast because we don’t have the patience. Even in corporate environments the culture of ‘instant results’ is constantly fed. I don’t know how many times I have heard people in corporates say, ‘We want quick turnaround times’; ‘We don’t have the luxury to delay adoption of this change, people need to adopt these changes in the next month’. I really don’t like these statements because I believe that nothing solid can be built quickly.

So back to the marriage proposal analogy, when the marriage question pops up; ‘Will you marry me?’, is it rude or inhumane to delay the response? After all this is a lifelong decision and surely it cannot be made on the spot. But, I also acknowledge that circumstances differ and maybe the ‘Yes’ is not always an instant response. I do believe that in some instances the ‘Yes’ is a premeditated answer prepared way before the big question. But, I do still believe there is wisdom we can draw from the marriage proposal scene. The ‘sleeping on it’ concept is powerful because it reminds us to appreciate the process of being patient and not to be hasty. I am often not too trusting of people who respond quickly to things, because to me I read it as haste and someone being too lazy to apply their mind. I think in this instant gratification generation, I want patience to be fashionable again.

I end with this, Dear future bae, please take note, if you ever do the usual knee on the floor proposal, and say to me, “Will you marry me?”, there is a huge possibility that I would say, “Well thank you, can I sleep on it?”

 

Image courtesy: https://www.flickr.com

Life,

Problem proof is overrated…

Written by Bongeka
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In an article by Melanie Curtin, “The 10 Top Skills That Will Land You High-Paying Jobs by 2020, According to the World Economic Forum…” (https://www.inc.com), Melanie unpacks a study conducted by the World Economic Forum (WEF), with 350 executives across 9 industries in 15 of the world’s biggest economies to generate – The Future of Jobs Report. The key findings of the study were the top 10 skills that will be most desired by employers by 2020. The top three skills were, Complex Problem Solving (no.1); Critical thinking (no.2) and Creativity (no.3).

I read this article and I laughed thinking, ‘If problem solving is ranked the number 1 skill that will be required in 2020, then why are organisations right now not encouraging of a problem-solving culture?’ I’ve heard people in organisations utter statements such as ‘We don’t want any problems in this project’ or ‘Let’s minimise mistakes or problems’ to a point that when we make mistakes we are crucified.

I could be wrong, but in my opinion, I have come to notice that organisations are obsessed with creating problem proof environments. And yet I realise that great business ideas or innovations are born from problems. I think of two cases that have always fascinated me;

Example 1: The Wright Brothers innovation of the air craft

The Problem: The Aircrafts built before the first Wright Brothers aircraft could not be controlled in the air. Before flights became commonplace people could only travel in just two dimensions, north and south, east and west.

The most common way to travel from one continent to another was via sea travel. Sea travel meant months and months of travelling; it also meant nausea commonly known as sea sickness. This is by far the worse travel related sickness. Sea traveling also meant the weather can restrict your movement.

The Solution: The invention of the air craft enabled air travel to solve some of the disadvantages of sea travel. Air travel has made the world more interconnected. It has advocated for economic and technological advancements. Air travel saves us time and it has given way to the entire aerospace business, the largest industry in the world (http://www.wright-brothers.org).

Example 2: The Airbnb story

The Problem: Two unemployed art graduates found themselves living in a three-bedroom apartment in San Francisco, and where on the verge of being kicked out because they couldn’t afford rent. They wanted to provide alternative lodging for people who couldn’t afford hotel lodging.

The Solution: Created an online lodging platform that has become, in under a decade, the largest provider of accommodations in the world. They also wanted to create a space that offered better price rates than mainstream hotels & lodges, yet still providing descent lodging that have a touch of a hotel experience and a homely experience. This came at a critical time during the recession when home owners were stretched financially thus were offered an avenue to make extra money by opening their extra home spaces for public consumption (https://www.penguin.co.uk).

There are millions of other examples of problems birthing great ideas that revolutionised the way the world operates. If problems can generate such billionaire dollar ideas/businesses, then why do we frown upon problems? Even in our primary and secondary schooling system, we don’t fully invest in encouraging a culture of ‘problems are okay, in fact we should embrace problems.’

In a way I appreciate some elements of the higher education system, because I recall that during my time as a humanities student, my University opened a whole new world of endless possibilities for me. We were constantly encouraged to re-imagine and challenge the very world we lived in. As a student we were constantly sold this notion that, you could change the world. But when I got to my first job, in one of the biggest, if not well managed Parastatal organisations at the time, was a serious reality check. I soon realised that the real “Corporate World” was not what I thought it was.

One of my biggest frustrations with corporate was it inhibited my creativity and was obsessed with problem proofing everything.

I realise that this thing of obsessing over controlling outcomes in organisations and problems is overrated. I believe that we should foster environments that thrive on making problems a norm thus fostering a culture of problem solving through creativity.

Image courtesy of http://www.armslist.com

Growing,

Lead us, but not into Temptation!

Written by Tumelo Ramonotsi
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In a world where truth is no longer an absolute but relative, it remains extremely hard to find true leadership. The Leadership Vacuum keeps on growing exponentially!

In my view, there seems to be a difficulty for leaders to recognize and appreciate the sincere outcry of the people they lead. This outcry is perfectly captured in the petition prayer expression “…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…”

“…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…” is a prayer made by women in their dark houses begging abusive, careless & full of rage men and husbands.

“…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…” is a plea made by children beseeching abusive, inconsiderate & absent fathers and/or mothers expected to fulfill a role of guidance, supervision and parenthood.

“…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…” is an outcry made by professionals, workers crying against patriarchal, racist and exploitive businesses & corporates who in verbatim continue exploiting its employees with cruelty!

“…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…” is an uproar made by congregants pleading with self-serving churches, clergymen & leaders and then expect to take the podium under a grace disguise message, correcting everyone else.

“…Lead Us, but not into Temptation…” is a petition made by citizens begging a corrupt, unethical & crooked state that operates on nepotism and patronage.

While presented with all kinds of options to retaliate the victim is left with nothing but the leisure of time to take in all that is happening to him or her and then – Retaliate Deadly!

Ipso facto, then we dare to ask ourselves, how could the victim – the silent victim retaliate in such a despicable manner.

We are preoccupied, absent and inattentive to genuine cry expressed in many shapes and forms in our daily discourse. The cry is simple;

Yes! Lead Us (You Can), But Not into Temptation!

Article image courtesy of: https://soul2work.com

 

About the Writer:

Tumi Ramonotsi is a Debate Show Anchor, Inspirational Speaker, Business Analyst, Social Commentator and Young Business Leader. His academic background is in Information and Communication Technology. Tumi studied and completed his tertiary qualification at the Vaal University of Technology majoring in Business Analysis.

Tumi is also involved in Mentoring Young Leaders, Philanthropic initiatives and advocating for Excellence in Leadership. In his spare time, he invests in extensive research and reading on the subjects/topics such as:
· Business Leadership
· Politics and Transformation
· Youth Development

Nation Building,

It’s in our individual difference that we make a difference…

Written by Bongeka
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“i love myself.’

the

quietest.

simplest.

most

powerful.

revolution.

ever.”

― Nayyirah Waheed

I came across the above poem on Instagram a while back and instantly it grabbed my attention and I was so amazed that such simple words could carry so much power.

I think more than anything, what drew me to the poem was the first three opening words “i love myself”…and the reason why those three words made such an impact was based on a recent conversation I had with my friends. I had shared with them that; it always amazes me how society is more welcoming of negative affirmations of ourselves; if I say “I talk too much”, “I am impatient”,”I am not easy to get along with”. Though on the negative side, these will be more acceptable. But as soon as you use positive affirmations of yourself;  If I say “I am incredible”, “I am a great human being”, “I am good at my job”, people often think you are arrogant or glorifying yourself. Because as people we often want to “fit in” we find ourselves saying more of the former and that is detrimental.

So I want to challenge these societal abnormalities and adopt a different approach. I believe that – you can never give off what you not full off. We are all giving off something in the world, whether its our expertise, our charity, our time, our love, our hate, our incompetence, etc…but there is something each person gives off in the world.

But I also do know that most people, at the core of their existence is an overwhelming desire to leave the world better than they found it. And I truly believe that to love and serve the world well, you must love and serve yourself well.

Thus continuing to choose you is the foundation of making the real difference. A young man at church said “it’s in our individual difference that we make a difference”. I really love this statement because it carries a peaceful realisation that, it’s okay to be different in the world, sometimes we think being and acting the same is ideal, but actually we should all aim to be different. It’s in choosing to be different that our effectiveness in our different vocations and avocations will be born and cemented.

Growing,

Celebrity-me…

Written by Bongeka
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A few weeks ago, my friends and I were driving in the beautiful and exquisite neighbourhood of Beverly Hills. As I write this, I am shaking my head in utter wonder as I think back to 10 years ago. I would never have imagined that we would literally be in Beverly Hills and living our best life. I grew up before the times of Netflix, satellite tv and the internet, all we had were the channels provided by the South African government. My first exposure to Beverly Hills was through TV Soapies like the Bold and the Beautiful which my grandmother was so obsessed with.

Though we still face tremendous challenges as the world becomes more intertwined, from a social, economic and political front, I must say the vast opportunities to travel have really been beneficial.

Back to our Beverly Hills experience, so my friends love taking pictures and sharing almost all elements of our travel adventures. I remember sitting in the car, a bit annoyed and wondering ‘what’s up with these two and everyone else, obsessed with sharing photos and insta stories! lol’ and then it hit me. It’s nothing too profound, but just my realisation that, what once seemed like the unattainable life has become so attainable or rather an ‘attainable illusion’. We used to witness celebrities on television and magazines, sharing pictures of their so called “glorious” life. And now well, through technology in the form of smart devices and the advent of social media, we can all experience the “celebrity-me” phenomenon. This new world of picture taking and sharing our lives has made us feel like celebrities and truth is, human beings are obsessed with living the extraordinary life. As the saying goes “If it’s not on social media, it didn’t happen”.

Of course, this “celebrity-me” phenomenon brings with many negative consequences. In a study conducted by experts, they list 6 main negative effects of social media, namely:

  • It’s addictive
  • It triggers more sadness, less well-being
  • Comparing our lives with others is mentally unhealthy
  • It can lead to jealousy—and a vicious cycle
  • We get caught in the delusion of thinking it will help
  • More friends on social doesn’t mean you’re more social

Read more at (https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2017/06/30/a-run-down-of-social-medias-effects-on-our-mental-health/#30cef3f22e5a)

Some of the negative effects listed above suggests that social media may have a negative effect on our mental health. We are in an era where more and more people across the world live with a mental health diagnosis. However, it’s encouraging to see thorough research being done to demystify the stigma around mental health. An example of this work can be read in this article- (https://www.jenreviews.com/mental-health-diagnosis/). 

This is a beautifully written piece on mental health, providing thorough awareness of what it is and pens a blueprint that empowers people on how to deal with a mental health diagnosis.

However all the negative effects mentioned  in the forbes article are very relevant. There are also other more devastating instances (like the story of a child dying because the mom was taking a selfie, check out, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5721307/Horrifying-moment-baby-dies-mother-taking-selfies-shopping-centre-escalator-drops-her.html).

I am not saying we shouldn’t share moments of our lives on social media, of course we can. I am also not trying to be prescriptive about our social media usage, but as a self-proclaimed advocate for Human Rights, I think we must be cautious of social media usage so that it doesn’t steal our moment to moment happiness.

What are your thoughts on the above article? Please share at bongeka@fresh.penthevision.co.za

Wisdom, ,

Dear 22-year-old me…

Written by Bongeka
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I stumbled across the above photo of myself in my social media archives a few days ago. I looked and smiled at the photo. This was 2011 and I was 22 years old in this photo. I recall that my older brother took this picture on our way to my honours graduation ceremony. It was a really great day, I was so happy that after a tough academic year, I made it.

But beyond this day, the year 2011 was probably one of the most challenging years of my life. I fell in love with this young woman in the photo again and I felt like doing something corny. You know how famous people say ‘if I had a chance I would say this or write a letter to my younger self’’…so that’s exactly what I decided to do. Since June is youth month in South Africa, I decided to share some wisdom in the form of a letter to my 22-year-old self, so here goes:

Dear Bongeka
I write this letter in the year 2018, yes you are now 29 and I want to share some things with you. There’s so much to share but I can’t write everything now, but hear me when I say, 2011 is the year you will truly learn what faith is.

I love the habit of praying about everything and spending so much time with God that you are cultivating, that is going to be the back bone of your life, thank you for starting it.

You are at your heaviest in terms of your weight and I know it pains you when those you love say you are “fat” but you know what – in exactly a year from now, you are going to make a few lifestyle changes and God is going to help you with your health and baby, you are going to look so sizzling that everyone will be asking you how you did it, so don’t stress about.

You will soon learn that life is not what you have been taught growing up! Life is war baby and you are going to see that, but you know what? You are going to fall in love with yourself and that will be the foundation of your greatness and your self-confidence.

When you see that injustice speak up more, so that it doesn’t haunt you. You will soon learn as you already learning that religion is limiting. Next year you will have an encounter and a revelation of the true Gospel of Grace.

Don’t stop believing that you can do the impossible – continue to dream big and yes you are part of those chosen to impact your generation positively. But the clarity of your purpose will be revealed to you in the next coming years.

I need to tell you this, this is major – one of the most critical battles you going to have to fight is a battle to be you. But don’t worry too much as you will get better at it over these next few years and unfortunately this is a never – ending battle in a world that constantly wants us to be the same.

In a few months from now you will take a trip that will change your life. On a lighter note- uhm there will be no wedding ring and no kids by 27 – Thankfully! Lol, in fact you will realise that this marriage and kid’s thing is not to be dictated by society. 

Sadly, you will lose one of your closest friends, but don’t despair because you will gain the most incredible people as friends. They will continually show you how much they love you.

And finally, cherish your family, they really got your back. Put God first always, speak less and listen more and enjoy every moment of your life because baby, you are a force to be reckoned with!

Yours truly
Bongeka in 2018

Image courtesy of: https://www.haikudeck.com

 

Life,

I AM BECOMING HER…

Written by Zama Khoza
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I remember reading an article by Milisuthando Bongela in the May 2017 issue of Destiny Magazine titled “In Praise of Feminism”.  I admit that just like the author, I once had a misguided understanding of what feminism really is.  Growing up I somehow related feminism with images of male-bashing, angry women who very seldom experienced vulnerability and who most certainly did not find much joy in being in intimate relationships with the opposite sex in the same manner that many “normal” women in society did. That was of course until I truly started to experience and engage with the world, reflecting on where and who I was as an individual in a society that already had a script of who I ought to be as a young black South African female.

Perhaps one of the most important realisations that I made was how many women have internalised this script, believing it to be true and natural and not really understanding how it impacts how we show up in the world, how we show up for others and most importantly how we show up for ourselves. I am reminded of Karl Marx’s theory of Alienation which expresses how the features of society, even though they seem natural and self-regulating, were created by past human actions. In as much as we are shaped by society, we have the ability and power to in turn also shape society.

As women we need to first truly start seeing and thinking of ourselves outside the confines of societal expectations and allow this thinking to effect positive and purposeful change. Yes, it is a fact that women are socially, politically and economically underrepresented and this is largely due to a long history of patriarchy and devaluation of women. But in today’s 21st century where we see women taking on leadership roles in various industries and others becoming successful entrepreneurs, many women still see themselves through the lenses which devalues their abilities and contribution to society. Nelson Mandela, in The Long Walk to Freedom, wrote “blacks must first liberate themselves from the sense of psychological inferiority”. Women in general and black women in particular need to liberate themselves from a sense of psychological inferiority. An inferiority that relates to our capabilities, value and overall existence. Yes, you can be a mother, wife and run an empire at the same. These things do not need to be mutually exclusive. Yes, you can choose to have a family later in life or choose not to have children at all. Your value and contribution to society does not diminish.

I urge us as women to not only recognise our power but also learn to stand in it. Feminism, I believe, starts with knowing and believing that we as women are valuable, powerful, talented and have a purpose. And then in truly knowing and believing this, creating platforms through which to fight for and establish equal opportunities of active engagement in an unequal society. In the words of Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie…We Should All Be Feminists!

Article image courtesy of: https://www.cellsdividing.com

About the Writer: Zamakhoza Khoza

Zamakhoza Khoza is a Human Resource specialist with a background in Psychology and Branding. She currently resides in Durban. One of her greatest passions, along with writing, is helping people reach their true potential through creation of a positive self-concept. She regards herself as an open-minded student of life.

Growing,