We were in a session this week which my boss was facilitating. As she stood amongst the people I looked at her with amazement. She was so good at what she was doing and what really impressed me the most was how attentive the audience was. My colleague next to me uttered “she’s really good at this”…and I nodded with a big fat smile on my face.
After the session some people came to her and thanked her for the session and her passion for her craft. Ah! Passion! Fascinating word! Whenever someone mentions this word it hits an area in my core that I can’t help but find myself pondering…
I remember going down memory lane and reliving the moments when passion was the order of the day in my life. I was one of those people at school who excelled in oral communication competitions. I was so good that I was always the one chosen to represent my schools’ in district and regional competitions. Be it a speech contest; debating or a biology talk, I knew I left the audiences’ mesmerized.
I remember every time I would present be it a speech on xenophobia or racism or human cloning- as a teenager it was like God was confirming something deep in my core that this is it my child, this is what I have called you for. I may have had the nerves at first but believe you me as soon as the first word came out of my mouth, the peace that will transcend was impeccable. I knew somehow that God had called me to be a communicator and through my speaking I will share messages and knowledge that would help people.
But somehow along the way I lost the confidence…but how could this happen as this was supposed to be a part and parcel of my purpose?
Have you ever been at a point in your life where you questioned “the very thing” you thought was your greatest gift and to add fuel to fire when others also utter statements that negate “the very thing” you thought was your greatest asset.
Not too long ago I was in one of those days and was asking God what I should do about this. And all of a sudden I received a WhatsApp message from a dear sister of mine. She had sent it to our group chat. It was long but oh so powerful…these were the words that really touched me.
“…For the first time, what I have always thought was my calling, was now a burden. As I sat, looking into my computer, this thought saddened me. This has always been my way of communicating. I have grown up to believe that God wants me to do nothing but write…But today God is asking me, Lethabo, what did I say about you?…as I thought about this, I came to realise that I have been listening to too many voices in my head. These voices were of tiredness, doubts, and troubles. Along the way I met more experienced and great writers and I started looking down at myself and the gift that God gave me. The truth is there are things God has declared about us, but as time goes on, it seems to grow weaker. We stop believing it because of our surroundings. But remember God’s word does not change. God has declared me a writer for my generation and He has declared that I will give hope to people through my writing. This encouraged me to dust myself and start writing again and I hope this gives you hope… ”
I wish I could fully express how liberating reading this was at that moment. This was it; this was God’s response to my plea. For the first time in a long time it felt good to know I was not alone in feeling this way…
I kept asking myself what made me so good back then and kept my confidence intact. Two key things kept popping in my mind. Number 1, I always spoke from my heart as opposed to speaking from my head. Number 2, I was numb to the applause of the audience.
I remember my joy & motive was because I really loved what I was doing. I didn’t censor myself too much by making sure that I use bombastic words. I was simple and so genuine in my speaking.
I am on this journey of regaining the confidence so that I can fulfill “the very thing” I believe is a part and parcel of my existence. And can I be honest? There are days where I still struggle. I guess the older you grow somehow we over complicate life…I’m also learning a very powerful lesson and that “it’s not about me”
My enjoy life tip is this: In whatever you do remember “it’s not about you”…you are just a vessel. I urge you my friend to pursue “the very thing” once again, there is only one you and humanity and all of creation is eagerly waiting for you to take your stand…